


Don't Ask Me How I've Been (Fake Happy)

by phantasticworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, One Night Stands, One Shot, Smut, Uber driver!Phil, actor!dan, not dnp but another relationship is not v healthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-16 09:13:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18518392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticworks/pseuds/phantasticworks
Summary: Dan Howell is an up and coming actor in a closeted relationship with a man who isn't ready to admit his sexuality. Phil is their Uber driver for a very important awards show. Things don't go exactly to plan, but maybe that's a good thing?Based on the short film "Papercut" by Omad Productions (Somewhat, I got carried away)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> two months without uploading, she comes back with more Phan  
> college has been ruining my life but I could not get this idea out of my head so here's 13k words of nonsense!!

“Yeah, we’re on our way. No, I’ve just picked Dan up. He’s-“ A heavy pause fills the air around them, and the brunette nearly rolls his eyes. It’s no use, really, because in the darkness of this car, his backseat partner wouldn’t be able to tell anyway. “He’s here.” 

If they weren’t currently accompanied by a friendly-looking Uber driver, Dan might’ve made a bitchy remark. Of course, that would’ve resulted in some sort of argument or lecture and wouldn’t actually be worth it, but he still just barely bites his tongue to keep the words from spilling out. 

“Right. Yeah, we’ll see you in, eh, about twenty minutes, I’d say. Right. Yeah. Okay, see you.” There’s an audible click signaling the end of the call, and Dan shifts to cast his gaze on his not-boyfriend-but-mate-that-he-sleeps-with-and-practically-shares-a-flat-with. 

“Who’s the booty call?” He asks with a smirk, his voice not quiet enough not to be noticed by their driver. 

Cool grey-blue eyes meet his, an unimpressed frown etched onto the man’s face. “That’s not funny, Daniel.” It’s said with an overwhelming amount of disapproval, and Dan can feel it pressing down on him. 

With a sigh, he tosses his head back against the headrest and drops his hand onto the seat between them, a small part of him hoping that they might hold hands on the way to the ceremony. He knows it’s a foolish dream, but he can’t help but hold onto some sort of hope. 

“Sorry, am I meant to pretend I don’t know that we’re picking up someone to be your “date” for the evening?” Dan mutters, absently tapping his fingers against the leather. It was a surprisingly nice car for an Uber, and the driver had been pleasant enough, quiet and friendly. Even teetering on the edge of what might be a big break in their professional careers, they still couldn’t afford an exuberant ride for the awards show tonight. Not that Dan cared about such materialistic things, anyway. 

A huff sounds from beside him, but Dan doesn’t grant him with so much as a glance. “I don’t know why you have to be a prick, Daniel. I really don’t. I’ve already told you, things will be different now.” The words are muttered quickly and quietly, and Dan can tell this is likely some sort of signal for him to keep his mouth shut. 

He ignores it in favor of laughing, loudly. 

“Right. Different. How different are we talking, Ben? Am I going to start topping?” He taunts, bitterness lacing his words. 

He’s not totally surprised when the hit comes, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. He winces, bringing a hand up to rub at his now-sore arm. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Ben hisses, his eyes wide and panicked. 

They both glance to their driver, and Dan catches the blue eyes in the reviewer mirror, a look of concern etched onto the man’s face as he studies Dan. 

“Everything alright back there?” He asks, cautiously. 

Dan shifts and tosses an arm over Ben’s shoulders and sends the driver a brilliant smile. “Oh yeah, everything’s just fine. Just a tiff, you know how it is.” 

The driver glances back to the road, but sends a disbelieving look back towards the mirror before nodding. 

Ben waits until the driver has refocused on the road before elbowing Dan sharply in the ribs. “Get the fuck off me.” He doesn’t even look at Dan after he’s retracted his arm, staring out the window with what Dan can only assume is a glare, as if the rain itself has offended him. It wouldn’t be a surprise, honestly. These days it really didn’t take much. 

“Ouch,” Dan says, a bit belatedly. He rubs pointedly at his ribs where he’d been struck, wondering if the bruise would blossom the same as the others have. 

“Oh, come off it. I didn’t hurt you.” The words are wrapped in ice, detached.

Dan stays quiet then, unwilling to open that particular can of worms with the audience they had. After a few kilometers go by in a silence that feels far heavier than it should on a night like tonight, Dan glances over at Ben, a thought bouncing around his head, struggling to escape. “Who was she?” He asks softly, dropping his gaze to stare at his hands, which he’s laced on his lap. 

There’s a pause, and Dan doesn’t think that Ben will grant him with any response at all, but eventually an exasperated sigh falls from his lips. “Do you really want to know?” He asks, his tone softer than it had been so far. It was almost apologetic. Almost. 

After a moment of consideration, Dan shrugs. “Can’t make that much of a difference, can it?” 

Ben finally shifts just enough to look at Dan properly, but the brunette refuses to lift his gaze. 

“It was Sophia,” he whispers, almost as if he’d rather it stayed a secret. As if he’d rather not hurt Dan, as if he’d rather lie and pretend that he hadn’t been planning this all along. 

“Huh.” Dan clicks his tongue, processing this. 

Sophia was a nice enough girl, he supposed. She certainly hadn’t done anything directly to him to warrant the kind of comment he was about to make. 

“I guess you’ll have two holes to fuck now. Oh, three, if she likes to suck dick, I suppose. Probably won’t be nearly as practiced as me, remember last night when I-“ before he can even finish his remark, a hand is swiftly coming up to cover his mouth, holding it shut with more force than was necessary. 

Dan tells his body not to panic, even when he feels Ben’s hand shift just enough to press right under his nostrils, cutting off any and all air supply. It was a scare tactic, and one he’d dealt with a hundred times before. He clenches his fist and forces himself to breathe slowly, keeping himself from running out of oxygen before Ben drops the little act. 

“If you don’t keep your fucking mouth shut, I’ll fucking find a way to shut it.” Cold blue eyes stare into Dan’s, the anger bubbling up there making Dan almost nauseous. 

Dan waits, counting to himself in his head. 8... 11... 15... 23... and finally, Ben’s hand shoves against his mouth one last time before pulling away altogether, an irritated huff falling from his lips. 

After allowing himself a moment to catch his breath, Dan straightens out his suit coat and shoots their driver a cautious look, hoping that he hadn’t seen what had just occurred. He’s relieved to find the driver not looking at them through the rear view mirror, but his eyes drift to his hands, wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, the bones in his hands sticking out prominently against his alabaster skin. 

Shit. 

A nervousness floods his stomach, and he can’t help but feel almost embarrassed; by his own actions or Ben’s, he isn’t sure. Either way, he glances over at Ben, hoping he didn’t realize that their driver had probably caught on. If he did, he’d likely demand he pull over and call someone else; not out of any concern that the driver might comment on the rather physical aspect of their relationship, but likely out of fear that the driver might recognize them and sell the story of a domestic dispute in the backseat of his car. 

Luckily, Ben appears to be oblivious, so Dan forces himself to relax. Suddenly feeling awkward with silence and not wanting another fight with Ben, Dan turns to their driver. 

“Excuse me, what did you say your name was, sir? It’s completely slipped my mind since we got in.” He smiles at the driver when he glances into his rearview mirror to look at Dan, surprise on his features. 

“Phil,” He says easily, a small smile gracing his lips. He glances back over his shoulder at Dan this time. “And you are?” 

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but before he can even get a word out, Ben shifts over and narrows his eyes at Dan, his gaze flicking to the driver. “He’s Daniel, and I’m Benjamin.” He shoots Dan a warning look, as if that’s quite enough idle chit-chat, but Dan pretends he doesn’t notice. 

“Dan, actually. But you can call me whatever you prefer.” He doesn’t know why it comes out in a flirting sort of way, but before he has anytime to be mildly embarrassed, the driver, well- Phil, smirks. 

“Will I be calling you?” He asks smoothly. 

Dan can’t help but laugh at the subtle response to his own unintentional flirting, and he flashes Phil his most charming smile, dimples and all. “I’m sure that could be arranged.” 

Phil glances back at him in the mirror, and Dan decides to be so bold as to wink, forgetting the grumpy man who’s currently pouting beside him. 

That is until said grumpy man whips his head around to glare at Dan. “Stop it,” he hisses, his jaw clenching. 

Dan quirks an unbothered eyebrow at him. “Now why the hell should I do a thing like that?” 

Without breaking eye contact, Ben tilts his head so his voice carries over the chair in front of him. “Sorry, mate, but we’re professionals in our field. We don’t date chauffeurs.” There’s a glint of challenge in his eyes, as if daring Dan to contradict him. 

Flushing from the absurdly selfish and egotistical part of Ben’s statement, Dan shifts to break the eye contact. Looking back to Phil, he gives him a reassuring shake of his head. “That’s bullshit, mate. This one over here thinks that being nominated for an award makes you hot shit, but he’s wrong.” 

He can practically feel Ben seething next to him, but he knows that he’s off the hook this time, because not only do they have an audience, but they have an engaged one, and Dan’s decided he’d like to keep it that way. 

Phil laughs at his reassurance, shrugging. “I dunno, maybe I could be more easily wooed by someone with an award,” he sends a cheeky smirk to Dan via the reflection in the mirror, and Dan’s grin widens. Ben huffs and pouts next to him, but he ignores it.

“In that case, I actually hope I win this thing,” Dan flirts back. With a start, it occurs to him it’s the first time he’s actually cared if he wins or not. 

“So what kind of award are you nominated for?” Phil asks curiously, his hand coming up to drag through his quiff. 

It occurs to Dan then that this man seems to have no idea of who they are and what they do for a living. It’s refreshing, and in a way he can’t describe... liberating. To openly converse with someone who has virtually no clue who you are feels better than he could’ve imagined. 

It’s not like he was particularly famous- he’d been in four films now, with only one major role between them, and had played various side characters on a handful of tv shows. Really not all that impressive, but it seemed that lately he was only surrounded by people who knew who he was. It was a nice change to finally be among someone who doesn’t, and still, curiously, seems interested in talking to him. 

“We’ve both been nominated for Best Supporting Male Lead,” Ben contributes from his pouting position to Dan’s right. 

Dan’s teeth grind together, annoyance coursing through his veins as he shoots the blonde a glare. It wasn’t fair for him to sit here treating Dan like shit, and yet forcing himself into their conversation like some sort of interpreter. Dan didn’t need an interpreter, despite what their management thought. Sure he had a tendency to be a little brash and downright rude sometimes, but generally that was only when he was dealing with pricks. Now wasn’t one of those times though, so Ben could honestly fuck off. 

“Oh. So you’re both, like, proper actors?” Phil asks, his eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. 

Dan nods, although a prickle of something uncomfortable is starting to form in his chest. He really didn’t want their conversation to go down that route, but now that they’d let it out in the open, he figured that’s the only way it could go. Rather than continue on and have the conversation dominated by his stupid career, Dan goes quiet, turning to look out the window. 

“That’s interesting,” Phil comments from the driver’s seat. Dan only offers a hum in response, and then the car falls silent once again. 

The silence gives Dan the time and space to revisit his and Ben’s short conversation about Sophia from earlier. The satisfaction of hearing him admit that it was exactly who Dan had thought didn’t lessen the pain he felt now that he realized what that meant. For one thing, it meant that he hadn’t had the exclusivity he’d been promised. Well- not that he’d really expected that to last anyway; Ben was fickle with his promises. 

And secondly, it meant that tonight, when they were standing on the red carpet posing for photos, there’d be a hundred photographers screaming for Ben and Sophia to kiss or get closer or anything of the sort, without any knowledge of the heartbroken man just a few feet away, always in the shadow of Ben’s latest conquest. 

Except this time, it would be real. 

After the show, when Dan was headed back to his flat alone, Ben would be on his way to his own, seldom-used flat, with Sophia. Or maybe he’d just go to hers, instead. Dan’s stomach churns uncomfortably at the thought of what they’d spend the night doing, and a dull pain throbs in his heart remembering that only the night before, they’d been sharing that very same thing. 

“How long?” He asks into the dark, a question that could really be answered by either member of his company, although the answer he wanted would likely not be the one he received. 

“About five more minutes, if traffic allows,” Phil responds cheerfully. 

Dan glances over at Ben, waiting to see if he’d catch the undertone in his voice and realize that’s not what he’d meant. The blonde is staring out the window, his arm propped up on the side and his chin resting on his fist. He looked like a model like that, and Dan hates him for looking so subtly beautiful in such a normal setting. 

“Ben,” He says softly, shifting slightly closer. 

“What?” Ben asks, sounding tired. 

Dan swallows hard, forcing the words out before he can lose his nerve. “How long have you been seeing her?” 

It feels like a silence settles over the car, thick and stifling. Dan almost fears breathing, as if even the most subtle noise will burst this bubble of tranquility, this moment of calm before the inevitable storm. He forces himself not to panic before Ben has even spoken, but when those cold blue eyes flick over to meet his gaze, he already knows the answer. 

“A while.” 

A deep breath. Then, “I asked, how long? I need a number.” 

Ben sighs deeply, rolling his eyes. “You’re being foolish, Daniel. Why does it matter? You and I aren’t-“ he spares a glance at the driver and lowers his voice. “You and I were never dating. I don’t see what the big deal is.” 

Dan can feel his breathing quicken, but it feels like the faster it gets the harder it is to feel the oxygen expanding in his lungs. He knows he’s about to have a panic attack, and his fists clench tightly, his fingernails digging into his palms. “That’s not fair.” He shakes his head adamantly. “You can’t just erase the past two years of our life, Ben.” His voice sounds as panicked as he feels, and he’s having a hard time controlling the volume. 

Ben glances towards the driver, a nervous look in his eyes. “I can try,” He says lowly, his gaze unwavering when he faces Dan.

“Why?” He breathes. He can feel his throat fluttering and he knows he’s close to tears. He’s too emotionally charged about this to control the way his body is functioning, and he hates it. “Why bother with any of this? We could- We can tell people, Ben. No one... no one would care.” He speaks softly, his gaze dropping to his hands so he doesn’t have to say the words directly to Ben’s face. 

Ben lets out a harsh, humorless laugh, and Dan regrets ever saying it. “You’re pathetic, you know that?” He taunts. The words make Dan flinch. 

“I’m not,” He whispers, finally allowing the tears to fall. He hopes with every fiber of his being that Phil isn’t listening, isn’t noticing the state he’s in right now. 

“You are,” Ben confirms. “You’re still chasing after this stupid fucking fantasy, after all this time. I’m straight now, Dan. You’ve gotta just give up this stupid faggot shit. It’s sad, honestly.” 

Dan’s head whips up at this, his eyes narrowing as he meets Ben’s unbothered gaze. “Really? This faggot shit? You do realize that your dick was literally in my ass last night, right? It takes one to fucking know one, mate.” 

Ben clenches his jaw tightly, his face comforting into a glare. “Not another fucking word about that, got it? I’m not a fag, so you can just keep that shit to yourself.” 

Dan stares, disbelievingly, at the man beside him. “Are you... are you even fucking listening to yourself? To me?” 

“I’m trying my best not to, your whiny fucking voice is really grating my nerves,” Ben retorts, his gaze returning to the window. 

They were currently driving through the neighborhood where Sophia lives, and Dan knew he only had a few more minutes left to clear his head before the evening really begun. He sorts through all the shit swirling in his mind, all the arguments he wants to make, and he settles on the one that feels the most pressing for now. 

“We should go in separate cars,” he mutters, glaring out his own window. 

“Pardon?” Ben says, his voice holding an air of offense. 

Dan rolls his eyes before speaking again, raising his voice. “I think we should go in separate cars. You and Sophia should go in one separately from me.” 

Ben seems to take a moment to consider this before speaking again. “Is this your way of pouting? It’s immature, if it is.” 

With a huff, Dan turns to face him. “No, you twat. This is my way of being smart. People already think we’re together-“ 

“Because of your fucking comments,” Ben reminds him. 

Dan talks over this. “-So if we show up in the same car, it’s going to look weird, even if Sophia is with us.” 

After a prolonged moment of silence, Ben lets out a quiet hum. “Okay. Sure. In that case, I’ll call a different car, you can just take this one.” 

If Dan had it in him to care, he’d be annoyed, because he knew the fare would be higher for him, considering a car going from Sophia’s to the awards show would have a shorter distance to travel. Instead, he just nods. His mind is already piecing together a plan for tonight that involves skipping the ceremony altogether, but Ben doesn’t need to know that. 

“Alright, here we are, then. Should I wait?” Phil is probably only pretending he hadn’t overheard their change in plans, and Dan appreciates the subtle attempt at privacy. 

“No need. My date and I will have another car come fetch us.” Ben moves to open the door, and then glances back at Dan. “Don’t fuck around and be late, okay? And when you get there, go see Annette for a briefing about who we need to speak to and where we’ll be sitting.” 

Dan nods obediently, acting as if he plans to do just that. “Sure.” Ben studies him for a moment, rolling his eyes as he moves to step out. Dan watches him go, and just as he steps out, a thought occurs to him. “Ben?” 

The blonde leans down to make eye contact with him. “What now?” He groans, clearly annoyed that Dan’s bothering him yet again. Dan hopes this is the last time. 

“I want my key back.” 

Ben has a look of confusion on his face before the meaning of his words seems to dawn on him. “I still have things at your flat,” he reminds him cautiously. 

Dan shrugs. “I’ll drop them off at the office.” He holds his hand out patiently, waiting for the key to be given back. “Sometime today would be nice,” he drawls. 

Ben’s gaze flickers to the driver, who seems to be zoned out, waiting patiently for Ben to leave already. “Fine,” he mutters, digging into his pocket and pulling out the silver key that belongs to Dan. He tosses it into the car, disregarding the hand that Dan had held out for it. “There.” 

“Thanks.” Dan plucks the key from where it has fallen on the seat and twirls it around in his hand for a moment before shoving it into his pocket. “Might wanna hurry along, now. Don’t want to be late for our first big awards show, now,” Dan says mockingly. 

The blonde barely gives him a reaction, just rolls his eyes and slams the door shut, leaving Dan alone in the Uber. 

Dan sighs deeply, leaning his head back against the seat and allowing his eyes to close. The returned key sets heavy in his pocket, and for some reason he feels like he’s coming to the end of something. He’s not sure that it’s a feeling he’s entirely opposed to, but it’s one he hasn’t felt in so long that it’s practically foreign. 

His swarming thoughts are interrupted by a throat clearing. “Alright?” Phil asks softly, his eyes holding a warmth to them. 

Dan smiles at him and nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” 

Phil bites his lip and nods slowly. “I’m sorry for coming across so... bold, earlier,” he apologizes, his cheeks flushing slightly with the admittance. “I kind of, well... I kind of thought maybe you needed someone to be a buffer, but I do apologize for seeming so forward and pushy.” 

The surprise on Dan’s face probably doesn’t go unnoticed, and it takes him a minute to gather his thoughts enough to properly respond. “Oh, um, it’s fine, really. I... yeah, I probably needed that, so... thanks.” 

Phil nods, and slowly pulls away from the curb, moving down the road at a leisurely pace. “I assume we’re off to the O2?” He asks politely. 

Dan raises an eyebrow, feeling a little more than confused. “I don’t believe we actually got around to telling you where the awards show was,” he says cautiously, trying his best not to sound rude. 

Mischievous blue eyes meet his in the rearview mirror. “C’mon, mate. Did you really think I didn’t recognize you when you got in my car?” 

A brief feeling of unbridled panic rips through Dan’s chest, a result of his countless media training sessions that taught him to keep his private life completely separate, especially his sexuality. He stomps that feeling down, hard. There was nothing to be ashamed of, and he’d spent years learning to be proud of himself for who he was. He wasn’t about to let that be taken away from him all because a nice Uber driver had seen an insight to his domestic life. 

“Well, I guess I’d hoped you didn’t,” Dan finally says. He sighs and then glances out the window. “But, to answer your question... I think it’s back to my flat for me.” 

There’s a moment of silence before Phil speaks again, timidly. “Are you sure, Dan?” 

Hearing his name fall from this stranger’s lips twists something in Dan’s gut, and he isn’t sure if it’s the newness or the comfort of knowing that this stranger had seen a part of his life he hadn’t meant to share, and still seemed to have no problem speaking to him. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I think I’ve had enough excitement for one night.” 

His PR agent would be absolutely pissed, and he knew he’d have a hundred missed calls from his manager by the morning, but he really didn’t care. He’d had a rather shit evening so far, and he really just wanted to go home. Part of him almost wished he could go on Grindr and let out some of the pent up emotion, but the more intelligent part of his brain reminds him that it probably wouldn’t be a great idea. 

“Are you sure about that?” Comes the quiet response of his driver. 

It takes Dan a second to rememberer his earlier words, and when he does, a flush crawls up his cheeks. He wasn’t positive it was flirting, but part of him, the lonely, horny, just-got-my-heart-broken part, was absolutely going to take it that way. 

“I suppose that would depend on who’s asking,” he says slyly, sending Phil a smirk in the mirror. 

The bright blue eyes twinkle with excitement, and Dan can’t help but find it endearing. “How about your neighborhood friendly Uber driver?” Phil jokes. “What if he asked?” 

Dan gums as if he’s considering it. He’s undeniably interested now that the option is there, and to say he wasn’t would be a lie. He realizes then that they’ve turned around at some point, headed back the way they came. “I reckon if he was fit I could be swayed a certain way.” 

“Yeah?” Phil responds with a laugh, his tongue poking out between his teeth in a way that’s just too endearing. 

“Yeah,” Dan agrees, smiling. “Come back to mine?” He asks after a moment of quiet contemplation. If he was rejected it really wouldn’t be the worst part of his day, and if he wasn’t- then, hey, at least he’d get laid, and by someone attractive, no less. 

Phil smiles back at him through the mirror. “Well, if you insist.” 

 

~

The rest of the ride goes by quickly and considering Phil had just made the same trip from Dan’s flat, he has very little problem making the trip in the reverse order. Having sat in the backseat stressing for the past hour or so, Dan finds himself absolutely vibrating with nerves by the time they pull up to his building. His palms are sweating with the nerves he feels, and he can’t tell if he’s just excited or if he’s just genuinely nervous. It had been a very long time since he’d slept with someone that wasn’t Ben; well over a year, probably closer to two. He barely knew Phil, and he felt what he was doing was stupidly reckless, but that didn’t stop him from grinning when Phil killed the engine and looked back at him. 

“Here we are,” He says slowly, his eyes studying Dan’s face in the darkness of the car. A single lamppost close to the doors of his building allows a little light to flood into the car, and it’s just enough for Dan to see the nervousness he feels reflected in Phil’s eyes. 

“Yep,” Dan says quietly. He nods to the building. “You coming?” 

Phil tilts his head and studies Dan for a moment, and his gaze makes Dan squirm nervously. “Lead the way,” he says with a smile. 

Dan hides his grin as he steps out of the car, shivering slightly against the chill of the wind. He digs his keys out of his pocket as he steps around the car, waiting for Phil to do the same. 

Dan stares unabashedly as Phil climbs out and shuts the door behind him. He’s tall, probably as tall as Dan, and without the barrier of the car seats between them, Dan has a better look at what he’s wearing. Black jeans cling to long legs, and under a stone washed denim jacket, he’s got a black T-shirt. Dan doesn’t even bother pretending he isn’t staring, and from the smirk he catches on Phil’s lips when he meets his gaze, the man isn’t even bothered by it. He looks good, and he obviously knows it. 

“Uh, this way,” Dan says dumbly, cringing inwardly as he waves Phil over to follow him. Phil does so dutifully, his hands going into his pockets as he trails after him. 

After fumbling with his keys for a moment, Dan finally manages to get the door unlocked and he shoves it open without ceremony. He hesitates, wondering if maybe he should let Phil in first, but that seemed weird; Phil didn’t know the layout of his apartment, he’d just be left to stand awkwardly in the foyer. 

This in mind, Dan leads the way inside. “Just close the door behind you,” he calls over his shoulder. 

“Want me to lock it?” Phil asks. 

Dan shrugs out of his jacket and tosses it onto the rack near the door, considering. “I mean, if you’re sure I’m not going to peel your skin off and wear it like a coat, then yes. But if going into a random stranger’s house isn’t something you do often, you can leave it unlocked.” 

Phil quirks an eyebrow at this, and Dan nearly swears. He really hadn’t meant to be so weird, it just sort of happened. Ben always said he didn’t have a filter, and well, maybe he was right about that. 

Instead of being disturbed, though, Phil only smirks before flicking the switch and locking the door. Dan swallows hard, meeting the other man’s gaze across the few feet that separated them. He hadn’t even considered how he’d start this- it wasn’t everyday he brought someone home to screw. He hadn’t the faintest idea about how to proceed from here. 

“Erm.... I don’t... I mean, obviously, Ben- well I mean, maybe not obviously, but, I don’t-“ he’s rambling, twisting his hands together awkwardly as he struggles to explain that he’s really not the type to do this sort of thing. 

“Relax, Dan.” Phil’s voice is soothing, with no judgement in it. “Tea?” He asks, gesturing for Dan to lead them out of the foyer. 

Nodding quickly, Dan turns and makes his way into the kitchen, the sound of Phil’s footsteps trailing behind him. 

“Um, I’m more of an herbal tea person... is peppermint okay?” He shifts awkwardly in his kitchen, feeling ridiculous. He was usually so well put together. He was Dan Howell, for fuck’s sake! He did films, and interviews, and press releases! He could handle some awkward chit-chat with a hookup. 

There was just something different about Phil, something almost unnerving about the way he looked at Dan. Especially when he smiled at him and nodded, his tongue doing that cute thing from before. “Peppermint sounds great.” He moves to sit on one of the barstools situated at the island in the center of his kitchen, and Dan just stares at him for a moment, a little entranced by how at home he seemed in his little flat, after only five minutes. 

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Dan quickly moves to begin preparing the tea. “I have some mugs in that cupboard,” he gestures off to the side. “You can look through and find one, if you’d like.” 

“Sure,” Phil chirps before sliding off the chair. Dan can feel his presence pass behind him as he moves to the cupboard. The sound of the mugs moving against the shelf is interrupted by a quiet gasp. “I have one just like this!” Phil says gleefully. 

Dan glances over after hearing the words, his heart dropping when he sees Phil holding out a Mario Kart mug. Ben had gotten him that as a joke a long time ago, claiming it was a symbol for Dan being such a nerd, and he’d honestly forgotten about it. That is until now, at least. He wasn’t about to try and tell Phil he couldn’t use it though, so he only smiled and nodded, trying to keep his hands steady as he waited for the kettle to boil. 

Ben was right about one thing. They were never official. Although Dan had pledged his loyalty and had stayed exclusive to Ben, the blonde had not done the same. And Dan knew that at the time, and he knew it now. It didn’t make his earlier goodbye any less painful, though. 

“I think I prefer this one, though,” Phil’s still speaking, and Dan has to force himself to pay attention instead of dwelling on his stupid ex… whatever he was. 

Dan nearly chokes when he sees the mug Phil’s holding now, a mischievous look in his blue eyes. He had been given the “Daddy” mug as a joke, but he’d kept it because it was big and held quite a lot of liquid. Right now, though, there was nothing more embarrassing that Phil could have pulled out of the cupboard. 

“It was a joke!” He nearly screeches, hoping that Phil doesn’t think he’s some kind of weirdo now. 

Phil hums, disbelief clear in the sound. “Sure, Dan.” He places the mug on the counter before turning around and searching through the cupboard again. 

“Er- are you going to use this one?” Dan asks in confusion, holding a tea bag over the mug uncertainly. 

With a glance over his shoulder, Phil nods. “Yeah, I’m just finding you one.” 

Dan’s a little surprised at this, but he tries to hide it. “Oh. Okay.” 

He drops one tea bag into the mug Phil had selected, and then waits patiently with the other tea bag, watching Phil’s face contort with concentration as he gently lifts the mugs, one at a time, carefully looking at their logos before putting them down. Eventually, he finds something that piques his interest, and he pulls it out with a grin. “Here’s yours,” he says proudly, handing Dan the white mug with a black pixelated heart on it, their fingers brushing as Dan takes it. 

Glancing at it, Dan quirks an eyebrow up. “Thanks? Is this your way of saying you think I have a black heart?” 

Phil’s face drops into an unimpressed look, and he crosses his arms. “No, it’s my way of suggesting that I like Undertale, too. And maybe hearts are just cool, okay?” If Dan’s not mistaken, a tinge of pink is blossoming on Phil’s cheekbones, but before he gets a good look, the electric kettle beeps and he has to turn around to finish the tea. 

“So,” he starts. “Undertale?” To his surprise, Phil laughs. “What?” Dan asks, incredulous. 

“You’re cute,” Phil says simply, taking the mug that Dan holds out to him. 

Dan can feel heat flooding his cheeks, and he hopes and prays that Phil doesn’t notice the shift in his complexion. “Erm- thanks?” It sounds like a question. 

“You’re welcome,” Phil smiles over the rim of his mug, blowing air gently to cool the tea down faster. 

Dan fixates on his lips, not even processing that he’s staring until Phil speaks again. “Hm?” 

Phil smirks. “I said, did you want to go sit down? Or do you usually chill in the kitchen with your conquests?” 

The reminder of what he’s here for is like a slap in the face, and Dan quickly nods, although he can feel the nerves creeping back in. “Yeah, lounge is this way,” he leads the way out of the room, flicking the light on as he walks in. 

“Nice place, by the way,” Phil compliments as he goes to sit on the sofa. 

Dan shrugs as he sits beside him, leaving about a foot of space, but turning so that he’s properly facing Phil. “It’s not much, but I’d rather save my money than shell out an arm and a leg for a proper London flat.” He follows this with a sip of his tea, burning his tongue a little in his attempt at a distraction. 

Phil studies him for a moment, a very calculating look on his face. “You’re unhappy,” he says finally. He sounds so sure of it, so positive, that it takes Dan aback. 

“Sorry, what?” Dan splutters, trying to laugh. It sounds more like a cough. 

Phil places his drink on the coffee table and moves to mirror Dan’s stance, so that they’re both facing each other, knees pressing into the back of the sofa. “You just… I dunno, Dan, but you don’t seem happy.” He sounds worried, as if this is something he’s really concerned with. Dan figures that it’s likely just because Phil knew he was an actor; he had no reason to care about Dan as a person. 

“Well, that’s one way of flirting, I guess,” Dan jokes awkwardly. 

“I’m sorry,” Phil says quietly, glancing down. “That was rude of me. But… Can I ask you a personal question?” 

Dan lets out a deep breath before moving to set his own drink down, leaning against the back of the sofa with his arm propped up. This seemed like a conversation he needed his hands empty for, even if it was a conversation he wasn’t particularly keen on having. “Sure. Go for it.” 

Phil licks his lips, completely distracting Dan from whatever it is they were trying to talk about. “Did you invite me here as a rebound? It’s fine if you did, but I want you to be honest with me, before anything else happens.” 

Dan’s mouth drops. He hadn’t been expecting the question so bluntly, or really at all, if he’s honest. It takes him a moment of fumbling around in his own head before he’s able to form a proper answer. “Um… well, I suppose, in a way, but-“ 

Before he can finish, Phil cuts him off. “Okay. That’s all I needed to know.” 

As he’s trying to wrap his head around the answer he’d given and Phil’s response to it, Dan’s thrown off yet again by Phil shifting closer. Dan swallows hard. He knows what’s about to happen, and he knows he wants it, but he’s undeniably nervous. After having sex with only one person for so long, he had no idea how to get back into the world of learning a person for the first time, especially physically. 

“Is this okay?” Phil whispers, his hand coming up to rest at the nape of Dan’s neck. 

Swallowing hard, Dan nods. “Yes,” he breathes. 

Apparently, that’s all the encouragement Phil needs, because then he’s leaning forward, pressing their lips together. He’s gentle at first, not timid exactly, but cautious. The hand not pulling Dan in moves to rest on Dan’s waist, and Dan finds himself dropping his arms across Phil’s shoulders, his hands dropping to play in his hair. Dan hums into the kiss, and Phil responds by pulling away. “Good?” He asks, his lips barely an inch from Dan’s. 

Dan nods, his eyes drifting shut as he leans forward again. Phil laughs softly before bringing their lips together again. This time, Dan has some sort of confidence boost, parting his lips a little, swiping his tongue across Phil’s bottom lip. Phil’s hand on his waist squeezes, and then Phil’s opening his mouth up to him, allowing Dan’s tongue to dart inside. He tastes like the peppermint tea, and something else, something sweeter. Dan wants to ask if he’s been eating sweets or if he just naturally tastes like sugar, but his mouth is otherwise occupied. 

An unmeasurable amount of time passes before Dan pulls away for some air. Phil breathes hard against his lips for a moment before suddenly Dan feels himself being tugged. “Come here,” Phil whispers softly, sitting back and dropping a hand to Dan’s leg to drag him onto his lap. When Dan is situated with a leg on either side of Phil’s, now an inch or so taller, he looks down at Phil with a smile. 

“Hi,” he says, his voice almost shy. 

Phil smiles back, his hands running up and down Dan’s back in gentle sweeps. “Hi,” he parrots. 

“I-“ before Dan can even finish that statement, his phone begins ringing in his pocket. He frowns, already knowing that it’s likely going to be his agent, pissed at him for missing yet another event. He shifts enough to tug it out of his pocket, silencing it before tossing it onto the sofa to the left of Phil. 

Blue eyes follow the phone as it crashes onto the cushion, flickering back to look at Dan with an uncertainty in them that hadn’t been there before. “Ben?” he guesses, his mouth twisting into something like a grimace when he says the name. 

Dan shakes his head. “No, just my manager. They’re probably mad that I missed the awards show. Again.” He rolls his eyes, but a smile graces his lips as he looks back down at Phil. He brings both hands up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing over his Adam’s apple in feather-light strokes. 

“Will you get in trouble?” Phil asks, looking guilty. 

“Nope,” Dan lies. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie. Sure, he wouldn’t get dropped from the agency or anything- he was their prize client right now. But he would get a very long lecture come Monday, or whenever he called them back. Whichever came first. 

“I’m sorry,” Phil says, seeming to pick up on the lie Dan’s just told. The brunette just shrugs it off, but Phil shakes his head. “I probably should’ve just taken you to the O2 like I was meant to.” He stares past Dan, at something he can’t see, and Dan notes that his hands haven’t stopped their gentle movements against his back. 

“And miss out on this?” Dan asks softly, gently pressing forward to press a kiss to Phil’s lips. 

Phil smiles when they’ve separated. “I don’t want you to get in trouble,” he tells him, his voice sounding sincere. 

Dan smirks, ducking his head down to speak into Phil’s ear. “Would you have to punish me? If I got in trouble?” 

Instead of the sexy response he figured he’d get, Phil laughs, loudly. Dan’s cheeks flush, and he sits back, barely able to meet Phil’s gaze now that he’s embarrassed himself. “Aw, Dan,” he giggles, tugging the brunette closer to him, hugging him to his chest. Dan drops his forehead to his shoulder, refusing to meet his gaze. “I’ve got to be honest and say I’m not, um, quite into that. But if you are, that’s-“ 

“I’m not either. Not really,” Dan admits, lifting his head to gaze up at Phil shyly. 

A curious look settles onto Phil’s face then. “Oh. So, we’re you-“

“I was kidding. Mostly.” Dan rolls his eyes and sits up, putting a couple inches between them. “Ben was into some strange stuff, so I just thought… I don’t know what I thought. Can we pretend that never happened?” 

“Pretend what never happened?” Phil asks with a small smile. 

Dan grins down at him. “I knew I liked you for something.” 

Phil laughs. “For something other than my devishly handsome good looks? Preposterous.” 

“That’s a big word,” Dan giggles, dragging his hands down the front of Phil’s t-shirt to play with the hem. He was still wearing his jacket, Dan noticed. That needed to change. 

“That’s not all that’s big,” Phil says in a low voice. 

It’s Dan’s turn to laugh, tipping his head back and letting the sound echo around the room. “That’s- oh my god, you- Phil,” he whines, rolling his eyes back to catch the other man’s gaze. 

Phil’s looking at him with the softest gaze, his lips just barely curved up. “You’re beautiful when you laugh. Especially right here.” He drops a finger to Dan’s cheek, right where his dimple lives. 

Dan can feel his cheeks flushing with heat, and he knows that there’s no way Phil hasn’t noticed. He ducks his head down, trying to hide how pleased he is by the compliment. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “You don’t have to sweet talk me, though. I’m literally sat in your lap, waiting to be ravished. I don’t need to be buttered up.” 

A quiet laugh falls from Phil’s lips as he reaches up to tuck a curl back into place. Something in Dan’s chest flutters at the intimate gesture. “I’m not trying to butter you up. Although, if that’s a euphemism for lube or something, then you probably ought to reconsider that, unless you’re just already prepared.” His lips curve into a smirk.

It takes a moment for Dan to register what that means, but when he does his mouth falls open in surprise. “Phil!” He shouts, scandalized. And then he can’t help but laugh, because such bold innuendos are practically foreign to him now. He loved a good cheeky dick joke here and there, but Ben said they lacked class, which Dan figured was code for “I’m not comfortable enough dicking down a dude to make jokes about it.” It was refreshing to joke around like this with someone who was obviously perfectly comfortable in their skin. 

Phil laughs along with him, his hands roaming down to rest against Dan’s hips. “I’m teasing, obviously.”

“I know,” Dan says sarcastically. “If I thought you were serious, I’d be slightly offended.” 

Shrugging, Phil pokes his tongue out in that cute way. “But you’re not, so here we are.” 

“Here we are,” Dan echoes, shifting to enunciate his statement. 

Phil’s eyebrows raise, and he watches silently as Dan slowly drags his hands back up, tucking them under Phil’s jacket as he goes. He holds Phil’s gaze as he slowly pushes the fabric off his shoulders, watching his eyes for any sign of discomfort. Phil only shifts forward a little and moves his arms to allow Dan to remove the jacket. The minute that piece of fabric is no longer on Phil’s body, Dan leans forward, capturing his lips yet again. 

Dan’s hands grip Phil’s shoulders, gently kneading the skin there as one of Phil’s hands comes up to cradle his jaw. It’s nearly perfect, aside from all the layers of clothes still separating them, and Dan lets his problem with this be known with a whine against Phil’s lips. 

“What do you want?” Phil asks gently, pulling away from Dan’s lips to trail kisses down his jaw. 

Dan drags a hand up to tangle into Phil’s hair, messing up the perfectly styled quiff that was there. “You,” he groans, slowly grinding his hips down into Phil’s. The man beneath him stutters to a stop against his throat, and Dan can hear a soft curse fall from his lips. 

“Do you have a bedroom?” He asks, his lips tickling Dan’s neck. 

Something about the way he’s phrased the question makes Dan snort out a laugh. “No, I sleep in the bathtub. Yes, Phil, I have a bedroom.” He can’t help but roll his eyes. 

Phil sits back and gives him an unimpressed look. “Ha ha. You’re hilarious,” he deadpans. Dan grins at him, and something shifts in Phil’s expression. He sighs, leaning forward to press a kiss to Dan’s dimple. “You’re well lucky you’re cute,” he breathes against Dan’s skin. 

Dan laughs but he can feel that giddy feeling from his earlier compliment making a return in his stomach. He wasn’t used to being so openly appreciated, and he honestly could say that it was quite nice. “C’mon, then.” He climbs off Phil’s lap and holds a hand out to lead him into the bedroom.

“Our tea-“ Phil begins, giving the mugs a wary look. 

Rolling his eyes, Dan picks up his hand and pulls him to stand. “It’s cheap tea, it’s fine.” He begins making his way down the hall, turning the lights off as he went. 

Phil makes a humming noise. “I can’t believe you gave a guest cheap tea, mate,” he teases. 

Dan glances back at him with a mocking smile. “I don’t shell out the good stuff for just anyone, you know.” 

There’s laughter as he drags Phil into his bedroom, releasing his hand the minute they’ve stepped into the room. He immediately turns to face Phil, reattaching their lips in the darkness of the room. He gently steps forward, inching Phil back just enough that he can close the door, pressing him against the wood until a click is heard. Phil responds to the kiss easily enough, his hands coming up to wrap around Dan’s hips as he had earlier. The little circles he’s tracing with his thumbs drive Dan insane, but in the best way. 

Phil pulls away eventually, panting against Dan’s lips. “Should we turn the light on or something? It’s dark in here,” His voice sounds joking, but something about his words makes Dan freeze. A memory of something that happened long ago and that had long been forgotten, prods at the back of his mind. 

“Shh!” Ben hushed him loudly, covering his mouth. 

Dan gently pulled his hand away, looking up into his eyes curiously. “Why? We’re the only ones here. No one can hear us,” he laughs, but uneasiness sets in when Ben sets him with a glare. 

“I don’t want your neighbors getting the wrong idea,” he explains, shifting so that he’s holding himself away from where he’s pressed Dan’s body against the door. 

Confused, Dan brushes Ben’s hair back. The blonde flinches at the action, swatting Dan’s hand away. “Babe, they don’t know-“ 

“Don’t,” Ben warns, his eyes darkening. “Don’t call me that. I’ve told you.” 

Dan swallows. “Sorry,” he whispers. “Can we just-“

“Turn the light off,” Ben mutters, gesturing to the light switch as he moves to lay on the bed. 

A frown etches its way onto Dan’s lips. “It’s like half midnight, Ben, and I can’t really see-“

“Turn the fucking light off, Daniel, or just forget about it.” 

Dan stares at him for a moment before nodding slowly, moving to flick the switch off. He knew why Ben didn’t want the light on. He just thought… Well, maybe someday he’ll want to see him in the light. 

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil’s voice reaches his ears, and Dan snaps himself out of his thoughts. 

“I want the lights on,” he blurts, rather than answering the question. 

Phil sends him a strange look, but nods before leaning over to flick the switch that would turn the light on. “There we go,” he says, voice soft. He’s still got a strange look in his eyes, as if Dan’s some kind of injured animal and he’ll hurt him if he moves too fast. 

Without waiting for anymore questioning, Dan grips Phil’s t-shirt and drags him close, kissing him deeply. Phil doesn’t protest, wrapping an arm around Dan’s waist and holding him close. Dan carefully begins walking backwards until his knees hit the edge of his bed. He allows their lips to part, making quick work of the buttons on his shirt. He tosses it somewhere else, not paying attention to where it lands as he takes in Phil’s reaction. 

Phil’s expression has shifted into something hungry and wanting, and Dan couldn’t be more thrilled by the look on his face as he studies Dan. Ben never looked at him this way. He certainly never looked at him this way in the light and for such a long time. “Dan.” Phil’s voice sounds almost choked. 

“Can I...” Dan trails off, slowly bringing a hand up to the hem of Phil’s shirt. “Can I see you too?” 

“God, yes.” Phil quickly tugs his own shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. Dan immediately drops his gaze to his chest, and he swears he can feel his heart beating out of his chest when he sees the chest hair there. Ben had chest hair as well, but he didn’t like to be ogled. 

Phil didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. Dan slowly drags a hand down Phil’s chest, his fingernails lightly scratching down as he traces a path to the top of his jeans. “Fuck, Phil,” he groans. Without waiting for a response, he drops to the edge of the bed, giving him the perfect opportunity to begin peppering kisses across Phil’s chest, loving the way the hair tickles his lips as he makes his way down. 

“Oh,” Phil lets out a soft sigh, his hand falling to Dan’s hair as he works. “Dan, will you-“ 

Before he can finish, Dan drops a kiss right over the zipper on his jeans, effectively cutting his words off. “Yes?” He says sweetly, looking up at Phil. The height difference with him sitting on the edge of the bed does something funny to his stomach, and he finds himself wishing, not for the first time, that he was shorter. 

Phil chews on his lip for a moment, studying Dan, before gently pushing him back. “I wanna suck you.” 

There’s not a lot of things that make Dan nervous about sex. Having his cock in another man’s mouth, however, was one of those things. Ben preferred to be the receiver on that end, naturally, so Dan hadn’t had a proper blow job in what felt like forever. So, to say that his stomach was swarming with nerves was an understatement. 

“Dan?” Phil calls softly from his position at the foot of the bed. He’d settled himself on his knees there, staring down at Dan with a soft gaze. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.” 

Dan had no clue how Phil just seemed to know just what he was feeling, but he was so, so grateful. He shakes his head once he registers his words, though. “I want you to. I just...” He gestures vaguely, not finishing the sentence. 

Phil sends him a confused look, and Dan’s reminded that although it might feel like it, Phil can’t actually read his mind. “I don’t know what you want unless you say it, babe,” he says gently, the pet name seeming to fall out with ease. 

After taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Dan manages to answer him. “Ben didn’t like going down on me, so I just... I’m not sure if I, um... I don’t know. It’s dumb. Just, go ahead.” He gestures down to where the bulge in his pants is slightly softening from all the talking they’re doing. 

“Dan,” Phil sighs. He moves to crawl up the bed, placing an arm on either side of Dan’s head to hold himself up over him. “I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But if you’re holding back because your idiot ex-boyfriend didn’t know how to treat you right, then I want you to just let go of that. I’m not him. This is different. You can be someone different with me.” 

Dan considers his words as he stares up into his blue eyes, pondering for a long time what to say to that. Eventually, his mouth moves before he’s even really made his decision. “What if I want to be just me?” He whispers. 

Phil smiles sweetly before ducking down and pressing a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “I’d love nothing more than to spend the evening with just you, then.” 

A shy smile works its way onto his lips then, and Dan quickly captures Phil’s lips with his own in an effort to distract himself from that giddy feeling in his stomach. They kiss languidly for a while, and then slowly, Phil makes his way down, trailing kisses along his chest as he goes. He seems to consider stopping at Dan’s nipples, but he simply drops a sweet kiss to each before continuing down. 

When his hands reach for Dan’s belt buckle, the brunette’s stomach swoops in arousal. Phil’s deft fingers work quickly in undoing it, moving right along to the button and zipper. “Lift up,” He pats Dan’s thigh gently, waiting until Dan’s done as instructed before he tugs the dress pants down his thighs, sitting back to pull them off his legs entirely. “You’ve got such gorgeous legs,” he murmurs. As if to prove his point, Phil takes one of Dan’s calves in hand and begins pressing kisses down, making a path to his black Calvin’s, which are straining tightly over his throbbing cock. 

“Please,” He whispers, having very little patience for the teasing way Phil’s kissing up his thigh. 

Those blue eyes flicker up to meet his gaze, and Dan swears he stops breathing for a moment. “Be patient, sweetheart.” 

The nickname causes a swirl of emotions in his chest, and he tries hard to hide his ridiculous smile. “I like- oh, fuck,” he interrupts himself when Phil’s lips finally ghost over his cloth-covered cock. 

The sensation doesn’t last long, as Phil pulls away to shoot him a self-satisfied smirk. “What was that you were saying?” 

“I don’t-“ Dan means to say he doesn’t exactly recall, but then Phil’s hand is squeezing his hardness and he’s certain the air in his lungs is gone. “I don’t know!” He whines, nearly thrashing against the touch he’s being granted. It’s not nearly enough, but it just feels so good, especially with all the buildup. 

“You were saying you liked something, I believe. Was it...” Phil ghosts his lips over the material again. “This?” 

Dan fights the feelings of lust and pleasure to try and recall what exactly he was trying to say, because it might have been relevant. As soon as he realizes, he spews it out, no filter whatsoever. “I like when you call me sweetheart, it’s-“ a whine when Phil removes his touch. “I really like it.” 

It’s quiet in the room for a moment, and it gives Dan a moment to come down from the cloud of lust a bit. He raises his head just enough to shoot Phil a look, surprised when he finds him staring down at where he’s tracing patterns onto Dan’s thigh, a thoughtful look on his face. 

“Phil?” He calls softly. 

The man in question glances up at him, a soft smile on his lips. “Hm?” 

“Are you... is this okay?” He’s a little unsure now that they’ve paused. 

“Yes, of course it is,” Phil says quickly, easing Dan’s doubt a bit. “I just...” He trails of as he leans his head to the side, resting his temple against Dan’s thigh. “You deserve something good. I want this to be good for you.” 

Dan blushes, but manages a small laugh. “It’s perfect. This is perfect, I promise.” 

A smirk crawls onto Phil’s face, and he slowly drags his fingers to trace over Dan’s hardness. “Just this? Do you want to just do this, or would you prefer something a little...” he leans down then, pressing his lips to the material and sucking gently through the fabric. It’s just enough friction to have Dan bucking his hips. 

“More,” he pants, shifting around. “God, please, more.” 

“My name’s Phil, but I guess you can call me God, too,” Phil teases, dipping his fingers under the waistband of Dan’s pants. 

“Shut up,” Dan groans. “You should be doing something with your mouth that isn’t talking.” 

Phil giggles, like actually giggles, and Dan doesn’t even try to hide the grin on his face at the reaction. “How very bold of you, Daniel,” he murmurs, dragging the material down slowly. 

Dan doesn’t have the heart to respond with any sort of joke, especially not when the material is gone and there’s nothing separating his cock from Phil’s view. “Please,” He whispers, unable to help himself from begging. 

“You’re so gorgeous, Dan,” Phil gushes before dropping his head down to press a kiss to the head of Dan’s cock. Dan squirms under him, searching for more. “Ah, sit still, Dan. Good boys sit still.” He’s clearly teasing and referencing their earlier conversation, but Dan can’t help but gasp at the way the words seem to just turn him on even more. 

“Fuck,” Dan groans when Phil’s lips finally wrap around him, properly blowing him now. He drops a hand to Phil’s hair and begins dragging his fingers through it gently, not forcing his head down but just feeling the softness of Phil’s hair as his head bobs. “You’re so good,” he mutters, incoherently, as he allows his head to fall back, just taking in the sensations. 

Phil only hums and continues his movements. It’s not long before Dan can feel it becoming too much, and he knows he doesn’t want to finish this way. He gently tugs Phil’s head away with his hair, and those blue eyes flick up to look at him questioningly. “Okay?” He questions softly, his hand stroking Dan’s thigh. 

“Mhm. I want…” He trails off then, a little embarrassed to finish that particular sentence. 

A sweet smile graces Phil’s face, and he props his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the mattress on the other side of Dan’s thigh. “Use your words, sweetheart.” 

Dan allows a breathy sigh to fall from his lips before gesturing for Phil to come closer. “C’mere. Wanna kiss you.” 

“Your wish is my command,” Phil grins as he crawls up the bed, settling himself between Dan’s legs and bringing their lips together. 

They lay like that for a bit, Dan trailing his fingers through Phil’s hair and finding the feeling so pleasant he just doesn’t want to stop. Eventually, though, he does, as Phil has begun lightly grinding down on him, making it impossible to ignore the arousal coursing through his veins. Pulling Phil down with his hair, Dan ghosts his lips over his jawline, making his way up to his ear. “I want you to fuck me,” he whispers hoarsely. 

Phil groans at this, and Dan smirks at the way the other man ruts down against him. “Condom?” He breathes. 

Dan nods to the bedside table to his left. “Top drawer,” he instructs. 

Phil ducks down to press another kiss to his lips before pulling away and moving to rummage through his drawer, coming back with a foil packet and a bottle of lube. “This is the same brand I use,” he informs him with a concentrated look on his face as he begins unscrewing the cap. 

Something about this makes Dan giggle, but he tries to cover his mouth when Phil looks up at him. “Sorry,” he says behind his hand. 

“What?” Phil asks, an eyebrow raised. 

Dan shrugs, spreading his legs apart as Phil moves down the bed to settle down there. “I dunno. That was just a cute thing to say.” 

Phil sends him a gentle smile then, and Dan can’t help that stupid fluttery feeling in his chest again. He hadn’t felt that way about anyone in so long, and as much as it scared him, he never wanted it to go away. “You’re cute,” Phil tells him quietly as he pours the liquid onto his fingers. 

“No, you,” Dan protests softly. 

A finger gently pets over his rim before slowly sinking in, and Dan can’t help but let out a small breath. “Relax, Dan,” Phil says gently. He strokes his unoccupied hand over Dan’s thigh. “Are you alright?” 

“Mhm. You can-“ He breathes out again, trying to keep still as he adjusts to the feeling of Phil’s finger sliding inside him. He was definitely not used to going this slow, and something about how gentle Phil was being made him squirm uncomfortably. “You can add another.” 

Phil frowns at him then, and it’s the first time Dan’s seen a real, proper frown from him all evening. “I don’t do that,” he says softly. “I’m not going to hurt you, Dan.” 

Something in the way he says that has Dan feeling his eyes fill with tears. He takes in a shuddering breath, struggling to keep it under control, but Phil’s going so slow and his hands are so soft and gentle, and before Dan knows it he’s crying, big, messy tears streaming down his face. 

“Dan?” Phil calls in alarm. “Dan, what-“ 

“I’m sorry!” Dan cries, covering his eyes. He barely notices when Phil pulls his finger out, but he is fully aware when the bed shifts, and strong arms are wrapping around him, pulling him to rest against a warm chest. 

“Shh. It’s okay. Please don’t cry, Dan. I’m sorry about… whatever I did.” Phil strokes his hair gently as he speaks, his fingers soothing against Dan’s scalp.

“It’s not you,” Dan breathes. 

There’s a pause, before Phil speaks again. “I don’t… I don’t think I understand,” he admits. 

Dan sighs, pressing his face to Phil’s chest. “It’s fucking Ben.” 

Phil hums at this but doesn’t respond immediately. When he does, however, his words surprise Dan. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Chewing on his lip, Dan actually considers it. He feels stupid, but at this point he’s certain he’s ruined the mood, so he’s not sure how bad he should feel about sharing his trauma with this man who’s seen his dick but is still a stranger, in most senses of the word. “Can I?” he finds himself whispering. 

“Course,” Phil replies. “If you want to. I’ll listen.” 

Dan doesn’t speak for a long time. He tries to collect his thoughts, tries to bring something to the front of his mind that seems to be worth talking about. When it came to the relationship he had with Ben, or the lack thereof, he had a hundred things to say, but being faced with saying them- well he didn’t know where to start. 

When he finally speaks, he surprises himself when he answers. “I used to think I was in love with him.” 

Phil hums, probably indicating for Dan to continue. It feels strange having such an intimate conversation with a stranger while he’s naked, but he decides it’s probably worth continuing.

So, he does. “I used to sit up all night, waiting for him to text me that he was horny, so I could offer to help out, just so I could see him for a little while. I didn’t even care if I finished, I just… I wanted to see him so bad. And when we’d go out together, I’d see him flirting with other people- it made me sick, that did. I’d go to the bathroom and just sick everywhere. I hated it.” He can feel tears streaming down his cheeks, but when he notices, Phil’s fingers come down to gently wipe them away. “I’d watch him go home with someone else, and I’d cry myself to sleep. But then the next day when he wanted to go for lunch or something, I’d go, because I couldn’t put any distance between us. I just couldn’t.” 

Phil doesn’t answer, his hand still gently stroking through Dan’s curls. 

“But that’s not love, is it? Loving someone who makes you so sick that you can barely move, or who calls when they need you but don’t pick up when it’s two am and you’re sitting on the fire escape thinking about jumping-“ he releases a shuddering breath, and he’s almost positive that Phil tightens his grip on him. “That’s not love at all. Is it?” 

It’s mostly rhetorical, but when the silence is interrupted by Phil’s soft tone, Dan doesn’t hesitate to listen. 

“I don’t think…” he starts out slowly, sounding cautious. “I don’t think someone else can tell you that what you feel isn’t love. But, when the person you’re in love with treats you that way-“ his voice sounds choked, and Dan hates that he’s the cause of it. “-Then I think it’s safe to say that the person doesn’t love you back.”

His voice is so, so gentle, and so are his hands, but Dan can’t help the sob that escapes him. “I know,” he says wetly, closing his eyes tightly in an effort to stop the tears. “I know, and I hate it.” 

They sit there for a while without talking, and eventually Dan realizes how stupid he feels. “God. I’m sorry,” he groans, disentangling himself from Phil and looking down at him with an apologetic grimace. 

“For what?” Phil asks, sounding genuinely perplexed. 

Dan gestures around them helplessly. “For being so… I don’t know. You don’t go to hook up with someone and expect them to just spill their fucking problems, you know?” 

Phil frowns at him then, tilting his head as if he hadn’t understood. “You know I didn’t just come to hook up, right?” 

Then it’s Dan’s turn to act confused, because he’s fairly certain he hadn’t misread the situation that much. “What?”

With a small smile, Phil tugs his arm so he’s laying against him once again. This time, though, Dan rolls onto his stomach and props his chin on Phil’s chest to meet his eyes as he speaks. “I would’ve offered to come in and chat if you hadn’t invited me, Dan.”

It takes a long moment for Dan to process this. When he does, he shakes his head. “But you- we were about to have sex!” He protests. 

Phil shrugs. “That was just a bonus.” A cheeky smile frames his lips before they shift into something more serious. “But honestly, Dan. I was in the car with you and Ben for a while tonight, I saw what happened. I’m not blind, you know.” 

Dan flushes, his mind going back to when Ben had covered his mouth to whisper-yell at him. He shivers involuntarily at the reminder. “I hadn’t thought you noticed.” 

A snort falls from Phil’s nose. “Of course I did. There I had Dan Howell and some twat sitting in the back of my car arguing, naturally I tried to pay attention.”

“Oh,” Dan nods, suddenly getting it. “Of course, yeah. Actor, drama. Got it.” 

Phil sends him a confused look. “No,” he says slowly, his blue eyes narrowing. “That’s not what I’m saying, Dan. No one deserves to get treated that way. The fact that I recognized you just meant that I felt closer to the situation and wanted to make sure you stayed safe. It had fuck all to do with the fact that you’ve got a day job as an actor.”

Dan’s gaze falls down to where he’d tucked his hands under his chin, and he studies his fingernails carefully. “Oh,” he repeats. “So… You just… What, you were just going to pop in for tea and ask how my relationship was going?” Something about it bothers him, but he can’t put his finger on what. 

“No. I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out. You seem like a genuinely nice person, and honestly, you seem like you need nicer friends. I would’ve asked if you wanted to play some video games or something, and if later on you decided you wanted to talk about it, I would have listened, just like I did now.” Phil reaches a hand up to pet Dan’s hair. He lets out a sigh, and his breath fans across the space between them and lands gently on Dan’s face. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about telling me. I genuinely just wanted you to feel like you had someone to listen, if you needed it.”

Before Dan can really consider it, he’s moving, shifting closer and pressing his lips to Phil’s. There’s a brief second where he’s not sure if Phil’s going to reciprocate, but then his hand is on Dan’s hip, and his other his resting in Dan’s curls, holding him closer. Dan tries to put all his gratefulness, all his relief into the kiss, showing Phil how glad he is that he met him tonight. It had only been a few hours, but Dan had never felt so bonded to a person in such a short period of time. 

“Thank you,” he whispers against Phil’s lips when he finally pulls away. 

“You’re welcome,” Phil whispers back. 

He doesn’t ask what Dan means, and Dan’s grateful for that. He wants to have a moment without talking, or maybe several, and now that he feels an emotional weight has been lifted off his chest, he feels that maybe they can finally have that. But first, he wants to check and make sure that he hadn’t fucked it up already. 

“I ruined the mood, didn’t I?” he asks with a hint of a laugh in his voice. 

Phil pulls away enough to smile. “Nah. You’ve changed it, but I think in a good way. Are you still-?” 

Dan slowly drags his hips up, and although his cock had started to soften, this new simulation causes a new swell of arousal to rush through him. “Yeah, are you?” 

“Mhm,” Phil presses a kiss to his lips again before gently pulling away. “Still want me to top?” 

Dan chews on his lip for a moment, but nods. “I really just-“ he flushes as soon as he processes what he was about to say. 

“What?” Phil asks gently, dragging his lips down to kiss along Dan’s throat. “What do you need, babe?” 

The pet name has him ducking his head to hide his smile, but then he’s feeling embarrassed all over again over what he was about to admit. “I want you to take care of me,” he breathes. 

Phil doesn’t pause his movements, dragging his lips from the base of Dan’s throat and back up to his lips. He presses his lips to Dan’s softly for just a moment before pulling away. “Lay down.” 

Dan immediately obliges, rolling over onto his back and watching as Phil moves down the bed to resume his earlier position. He spreads his legs again, only feeling slightly embarrassed about how on-display he was. The lights being on didn’t help how nervous he suddenly felt, but he preferred being able to see the way that Phil tugged his own pants off, finally leaving both of them naked. Dan was impressed, to say the least, and there was absolutely nothing else he wanted to do tonight other than Phil. 

“I’m going to go slow, okay? I don’t want to hurt you, so we’re starting slow, alright?” Phil looks down at him with a raised eyebrow, squeezing the lube out onto his right hand. 

“Alright.” Dan nods in understanding. He could handle that. He’d had his breakdown, but now he was certain that he’d be alright. 

“If you want me to stop, at any point and for any reason, you have to tell me, okay, Dan?” Phil’s voice is serious, and the authority in his tone does something funny to Dan’s stomach. 

“Okay.” 

Phil nods, satisfied with that answer, before he moves his hand down to Dan’s most sensitive place. He tugs at Dan a few times before dropping his hand down to stroke his fingers over Dan’s hole. He meets Dan’s gaze, waiting for him to nod before he slowly slips a finger inside, pumping in and out gently. 

Dan sighs, dropping his head back. “Good?” Phil asks softly. 

Nodding, Dan murmurs out, “So good.” 

Phil lets out a soft laugh at this, and true to his word, he works slowly, eventually adding a second, and finally a third finger, moving them apart and stretching Dan open as gently as possible. When he finally pulls them out, Dan’s sweating, his hips grinding down onto nothing as soon as Phil’s hand is gone. He lets out a whine, unable to stop the noise from falling from his mouth. 

“Are you alright?” Phil whispers. 

Dan opens his eyes, not even aware he’d closed them, to find Phil hovering over him. “Yes,” he breathes. He leans up to capture Phil’s lips with his own, pleased when Phil swipes his tongue over Dan’s bottom lip. “Phil, please,” he whispers. 

Phil sits back on his heels, nodding as he finds the foil packet in the sheets and rips it open, rolling the condom on with quick fingers. He moves to hover over Dan, pressing their lips together again. When he pulls away, he murmurs, “Ready?” 

“Mhm, yes,” Dan mumbles, tossing his head back as he waits, impatiently, for Phil to get inside him already. Phil chuckles softly at this, and Dan can feel the mattress shifting as he moves down to sit back on his heels, pulling Dan’s legs up and wrapping them around his back. The way he’s positioned them has Dan arching his back up a little, and Phil grabs a pillow and quickly pushes it under his lower back. Dan hates himself for it, but the sweet, thoughtful gesture makes him blush. 

Surprisingly, Phil doesn’t speak again as he gently pushes inside. It’s almost as if they’re both holding their breath, the room gone silent aside from their heavy breathing, as Phil gently presses in, inch by inch. Once he’s finally bottomed out, Dan opens his mouth and pants. The stretch feels amazing, but it’s undeniably painful. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t glad that Phil had taken his time to stretch him so thoroughly, but even with it, he felt like his eyes might start to water. 

“Let me…” Phil cuts himself off with a groan, his head dropping as he pants. “Tell me when I can move.”

It takes a few moments, but eventually Dan nods, reaching forward and patting Phil’s hand that’s wrapped around his hip. “You can move. Please, please, move.”

His plea is answered, Phil sliding out before pressing back in slowly, the slide feeling like one of the best things Dan’s ever experienced. “You feel so good,” Phil groans, lifting a hand from Dan’s body to push his messy hair back out of his eyes. “Fuck,” he breathes. 

Dan whines, lifting his hips up to meet his thrusts. “Please, Phil,” he begs, trying his hardest to make him go faster. 

“What do you want? Use your words, sweetheart.” 

The name has Dan’s eyes rolling back. “Faster, please. Please, fuck, Phil.” 

Phil responds to this by shifting a little, the movement causing him to slide impossibly further into Dan’s willing body, and the brunette swears he’s going to faint. Before he even has a moment to wonder over how impossibly close he feels to Phil right then, Phil is moving faster, just like Dan wanted. 

“Oh my god, fuck, oh- Phil,” Dan babbles, tossing his head back and forth as he feels Phil press against his prostate with every thrust. He knows this is going to end too quickly, all the buildup from this evening having his stomach tightening already. 

“Dan, Dan, oh fuck.” The words seem to fall from Phil’s lips without any thought, and Dan’s intoxicated by the sound of his name falling from Phil’s lips. 

“Please.” Dan has no idea what he’s asking for, but he can only plead for something to bring him over the edge he’s on. Phil doesn’t disappoint, his hand coming up to wrap around his length and pumping in time to his thrust the best he can. “Phil, oh god, gonna-“

“Go ahead, sweetheart.” Even now, Phil’s voice is gentle, and with that nickname falling from his lips, Dan doesn’t stand a chance. He comes quickly, all over Phil’s hand and his own chest, whines falling from his lips even after he’s finished. 

Phil thrusts into him a few more times before he stills, a drawn out swear leaving his mouth as he releases, his thumbs stroking circles onto Dan’s hips as he does. He slowly eases out, pulling the condom off and tying it. He looks a little unsure at first, and Dan nods to the trashcan beside the wall. “Over there,” he says tiredly, tossing an arm across his forehead as Phil climbs off the bed to dispose of it. 

Dan closes his eyes for just a moment, just to catch his breath, but they snap open when he feels something soft running over his stomach. “Shh. Just me,” Phil soothes him quickly. Dan glances down to find him gently cleaning up the stickiness on his chest with a tissue, one he’d probably found on his nightstand. 

“Thank you,” Dan murmurs, watching as Phil gently wipes him down before moving to toss the tissue into the trash. 

Phil shrugs, coming back over to sit on the edge of the bed. “So, um…” He looks awkward, for the first time this evening, and Dan wonders how often he does the whole hooking-up-with-strangers thing. 

“I have some pj’s in the second drawer of my dresser.” Dan gestures carelessly over at the piece of furniture, his limbs feeling heavy with exhaustion and the relief of a good orgasm. “If you want to sleep in something, that is.” His words are punctuated with a yawn as he climbs under the cover. 

A look of shock is on Phil’s face. “Oh, um… What?” 

Dan lifts his head to give him a confused look. “Aren’t you staying the night? It’s awfully late to be driving home.” Phil doesn’t seem sure about what to say to that, so Dan turns the blanket on the right side of the bed down. “C’mere. I’m a cuddler.” 

Carefully, as if he’s unsure what he’s allowed to touch post-sex, Phil settles onto the bed beside Dan, laying stiffly beside him. “Are you…” He swallows hard, and Dan watches the way it moves his Adam’s apple. “Are you sure you want me to stay here?”

Dan nods, moving closer and tossing a leg over Phil’s. “Mhm. I don’t want you to drive home so late. Oh, by the way, I’ll pay you for the Uber in the morning. I completely forgot about that earlier.” He feels like he’s already half asleep at this point, so he’s not sure how coherent he’ll be if Phil decides to respond. 

“Okay. Night, Dan.” He whispers softly. Dan feels a hand gently card through his hair, and the thought of waking up next to this gorgeous man makes him smile. 

“Night, Phil,” he mumbles, hoping that it sounds semi-intelligible. He quickly drops off into a deep sleep, his mind swirled with thoughts of black hair and blue eyes and tongues between teeth and sweet nicknames. He works himself into a proper good dream starring the man he’s sharing a bed with, for once feeling content enough to sleep through the whole night without stirring. 

When he awakes the next morning, he’s alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wakes up alone after his night with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to post this! I've been busy with finals but as I'm finished with school for now I have time to write! So here it is! Part 2!

There’s light streaming in through his bedroom window, and Dan groans into the pillow. He had no idea what time it was, but at the moment, he didn’t really care. There was a throbbing in his lower back, and as he gains consciousness, he slowly remembers the events of the night before. 

With a start, he sits up, looking at the spot beside him where Phil should have been. 

Except, the bed was empty. 

Dan frowns, puzzled, as he rolls out of bed and glances around the room. He’s alone in his bedroom. A pit of anxiety begins growing in his stomach, but he forces himself to calm down. Phil probably just woke up early and went to the bathroom or something. Dan stumbles over to the en-suite, but he can already tell that’s a dead end, as the door is wide open, the light off. 

The nervous feeling in his stomach refuses to settle, but he tries not to freak out. It’s fine. Phil might’ve gone out to the lounge or something to wait for Dan to wake up. 

The lounge is empty. 

After a quick round through his flat, Dan realizes he’s actually alone. He wonders if maybe Phil had left a note, maybe he’d missed it in his panic. He slowly goes back to his bedroom and searches every surface. Nothing. The same result in the kitchen, and lounge. It’s as if… As if he was never here in the first place. 

Dan is uncertain why that hurts as badly as it does, but before he can think too far into the why, the reality sets in, and tears start leaking from his eyes. There was no way he’d made up the whole thing… Right?

He manages to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to remember he had a cell phone. Maybe Phil had texted him to explain where he’d gone!

It’s not until Dan’s sitting down on the sofa and unlocking his phone that he realizes two things. One, he’d definitely skipped the awards show last night, and all the missed calls, messages, and social media notifications that were waiting on his phone was proof of how much shit he’d be in the minute he got in contact with his manager. And secondly, he had never thought to get Phil’s phone number. 

Shit. 

He ignores all the messages to open the Uber app, swearing when he realizes the settings no longer allowed him to see Phil’s number. The only option he has is to contact him through the app, but he has no idea how desperate that will make him seem. Then he recalls that he never actually paid Phil, so without another thought, he clicks “Contact Driver” and begins typing. 

Dan: Hi. You’re probably busy so I’m sorry for interrupting, but you left before I could pay you for the ride. Do you want to meet somewhere so I can pay you? 

He contemplates the words for a moment before deciding to just go ahead and send it. It’s not going to make him feel any worse if he does, and maybe when Phil responds they can go out for coffee or something and actually talk. Besides the fact that he’d had a great night with him in bed, Phil seemed to share a lot of his interests, and he’d really like to get to know him better. Especially since things were over with Ben. 

With the reminder, he realizes he’s still got a ton of unopened messages and many missed calls, most of them likely from his manager. Reluctantly, he goes to his missed calls, deciding to get the worst of it over with now. He clicks on Annette’s name, the number fourteen red beside her name. He cringes as he waits for her to pick up. 

“Daniel James, I swear to god, if you ever-“ She doesn’t even say hello, just immediately starts yelling at him. 

He can understand this, but at the same time, he’d already been having a shit morning, he didn’t want to deal with this too. “I know, Annette. I know. I’m sorry.” He heaves a sigh, leaning back on his sofa and rubbing a hand down his face. “You know why I didn’t want to be there,” he says softly. 

She’s quiet for a moment before she finally sighs. She sounds almost exhausted as he feels. “I know, Dan.” And she does. Annette had known how in love Dan was with Ben from the moment he’d convinced her to sign Ben to the company. Dan had already been working with them for a little over two years, but when he’d met Ben, he just knew he had potential. He’d begged Annette and the rest of her team to sign him, and eventually, they caved, assuming it would be for the best.

Oh, how the tables turn. 

“How’s he handling the win?” Dan asks, bitterness lacing his tone. “I’m sure he’s letting it go to his head, huh?” 

There’s a pause, and Dan feels a little uneasy at her silence. Then, “Dan, he didn’t win.” 

“Oh,” Dan says slowly. He hates himself for it, really, he does, but he can feel himself feeling sorry for Ben. He’d wanted this so badly. “So, who did?”

Now, Annette just sounds amused. “Have you checked literally any of your notifications?” She asks, rather than answer his question. 

Dan’s confused. “Um, no. I haven’t been up long, and I figured I’d get my ass chewed out if I didn’t call you the minute I woke up.” 

Annette laughs at this, and Dan’s relieved to hear the sound. So, he wouldn’t be in nearly as much trouble as he thought, especially if Annette is laughing. “Good call.”

“So… Who won?” He repeats his question, the curiosity eating at him. 

“You did, love,” Annette says gently. 

Dan feels as if all the breath in his lungs has been knocked out. “I… What?” 

There’s another laugh. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised, dear. The film was a huge success, and you did wonderfully in it.”

He’s having a difficult time wrapping his head around the idea that he’s just won an award, an actual, proper award, for his acting. Then, guilt swarms in as he remembers he hadn’t been there to accept it. There’s a tightness in his throat as he wonders who accepted it on his behalf. “Oh… Did… um, who-“

Annette seems to know where his mind is, because she cuts him off. “I did. I didn’t think you’d want Ben to do it, and it wouldn’t have looked good for his current… narrative.” The word comes out strained, and Dan is pretty sure he knows why. Their manager wasn’t thrilled that Ben decided he wanted to be portrayed in a specific heteronormative way, and Dan thought that the reason probably had a lot to do with himself. Annette was somewhat of a mum to him, and she had told him many times that Ben was a right twat. Unfortunately, she’d been right. 

“Oh. Thank you,” Dan says sincerely. He really would have the worst time if Annette wasn’t his manager. “I’m sorry I skipped it.”

“Not a problem, Daniel. We said you were sick. You weren’t out doing anything stupid, right? If it leaks that you were out and not actually sick, we’ll have a hell of a time explaining it.” 

Dan shakes his head before he remembers she can’t see him. He sits up and moves to take the mugs, still full of tea from last night, to the sink, a thought striking him as he goes to stand. “Oh. I didn’t exactly go out and do anything stupid, but…” He trails off, uncertain how to tell her. He knew technically it wasn’t her business, but he knew that she’d want to know just in case the story of him sleeping with an Uber driver ended up in the press. Not that Phil would do that. But still, better safe than sorry. 

“What did you do?” Annette says with a wary sigh. 

“Um, well… I had a hookup-“

“Oh Jesus, Dan. Did they know who you were?” 

“Well, yes, but-“

“Dan, you’ve really got to be careful about that kind of thing. What if he’d hurt you?” Annette asks, voice full of concern. 

Dan sets the mugs in the sink, an uneasy feeling in his chest from her words. “Phil was harmless, he wouldn’t have done that.” 

Annette is quiet for a long time, and Dan starts to wonder if maybe the connection had failed. Eventually, she speaks. “Is he still there?” 

Now it’s Dan’s turn to be quiet. “No… He was gone when I woke up. But, he probably had other clients, it’s not like he-“

“Jesus Christ, Dan! You hired a hooker?” Annette is near screaming, and Dan’s face floods with heat. 

“No!” He shouts, embarrassed that he’d made it sound that way. “He was the Uber driver, not- fuck, Annette. Obviously, I didn’t hire a hooker.”

“Okay,” Annette breathes, sounding relieved. “That’s definitely more manageable. Do you have his phone number?” 

Dan shifts awkwardly. “No,” he admits. 

Annette sighs, but doesn’t sound surprised. “Well, that makes things a little more complicated.”

“Why do you need it?” Dan asks, confused. 

“In case he decides to go to the press, Dan. We need to be able to get in contact with him.” 

Something swirls in his stomach, and Dan knows he’s not going to be able to keep his mouth shut this time. “Phil isn’t going to go tattle that he slept with me. I seriously doubt he’d even consider doing that.” 

“But how do you know that?” She asks, gentle. 

Dan huffs. He doesn’t want to admit how infatuated he was with Phil, not yet. And especially not to Annette, of all people. “I just don’t see why he would. Would that even be a story worth selling? I’m already out. There’s no secrets here. If anything, it would make Ben look less like a liar.” 

Annette seems to consider this. “I suppose,” she says slowly. “But I’d still rather you try and get his information, so we have it, just in case.” 

“I already messaged him,” he reassures her, moving over to his kettle to fill it up with water. He desperately needed a cup of coffee. 

“Good. Well, congratulations on your win, Dan. You deserve it. Take it easy, okay? Oh, and call your mum. She’s already called me twice, she wants to congratulate you.”

Dan groans, but agrees. “Thanks, Ann.”

“Mhm,” is her response. 

The phone call ends with a beep, and Dan sighs loudly. He can’t help but go check his Uber app, hoping to see a response from Phil. Nothing. 

With an unsettled feeling in his chest and a heavy sigh, Dan goes about checking the rest of his notifications as the water in his kettle heats up, wondering about a man with black hair and blue eyes the whole time. 

~

Three weeks. 

Three weeks pass, and Dan doesn’t hear a single peep from Phil. 

Twenty-four hours after his Uber ride had scheduled to end, he’s no longer given the option of contacting the driver, so his contact with him is thoroughly severed. 

Dan can’t help but be mad, at himself for not getting Phil’s phone number, but also at Phil, because who the fuck has that kind of night with someone and then just fucks off to Neverland? Phil, apparently. 

Over those three weeks, Dan has a lot of time to overthink everything that happened that night. He wonders what he did that made Phil decide to leave with no note or anything left behind, and eventually, he comes to the conclusion that it was his oversharing. Who does that? Who ruins a perfectly nice hookup with a perfectly nice man with all of that ridiculous emotional baggage? Dan, apparently. 

Despite the fact that Dan’s thoughts feel consumed with worries about that night and where he went wrong, he still has a life to live outside of that. That life includes a celebratory party at his agency in honor of his first big award win, a party that, thankfully, Ben isn’t invited to. Dan had all but begged Annette to make sure he didn’t come, but in the end, she hadn’t had to make a single call. Ben informed the team that he and Sophia would be going on holiday to Edinburgh only a couple days after the awards show, the purpose of the trip apparently so he could meet her parents. 

Dan tries not to let that hurt too much, but if he gets wine drunk and breaks the vinyl records Ben left at his flat after hearing the news, well, that’s his business. 

He does slowly start to come to terms with the ending of that chapter in his life, even if some of his coping mechanisms aren’t exactly ideal. The only good thing about it all is the timing, because he’s not set to start filming his part in a new film for another month, so until then, he’s got all the downtime he needs to have his breakdown. 

A breakdown that includes some nights of copious amount of alcohol, or sometimes just copious amounts of food. The breakdown may also include a few nights of wearing Ben’s old clothes and sobbing into the fabric, but when the worst of it is over, Dan washes the clothes and folds them neatly, placing them in a cardboard box to start the process of packing up Ben’s things. 

The process is more taxing than he’d originally anticipated, though, so eventually he finds himself putting it off for another time. It had only been a week and a half at that point, and something about stuffing Ben’s belongings into a box made him almost sick. It almost seemed like he’d died, and while the rational part of Dan’s brain knew this wasn’t true, the panicked, nervous part just screamed at him to leave it for another day. 

Along with the packing, Dan had also taken to spending more time at the agency, mainly just to stay away from his too-empty apartment and, admittedly, to distract him from the thoughts of Phil that still swarm in his brain. Logically, he was aware that it was essentially a fluke; he’d barely been in the other man’s company for four hours, there was virtually no reason for Dan to feel as attached to him as he did. And yet, there was just something about Phil that Dan felt inexplicably drawn to.

Whatever the reason was, Dan had essentially given up any hope of ever seeing the man again by the time three weeks had passed since that night. 

On the three-week mark, he found himself out of his usual routine when he’s invited to a house party. Apparently, it was just going to be a few people from his agency and some other people in the business, no one of any real importance from what he could gather. Just an ensemble of up-and-coming artists who for some reason thought getting drunk and making embarrassing memories together would strengthen their work relationships. Or something like that, at least. 

Dan had agreed to go only on the principle that he hadn’t been spending much time hanging out with any of his friends outside of work lately, and sometimes he did miss them. Well, some of them, at least. There was a couple, or namely just one, coworkers that he’d rather not see, but with the hope that a house party would seem far too childish to Ben, Dan agrees to go. 

When he shows up at Christopher’s house, the party is already in full swing. It’s not as bad as college house parties; there weren’t gaggles of drunk people loitering around on the lawn, but Dan wasn’t so sure he could say the same for the inside. With a heaved sigh, he plasters on a fake smile and makes his way to the door. 

He doesn’t bother knocking, Christopher never knocked when he went anywhere, and Dan could hear how loud the music was from here; no one would even notice if he knocked. When he steps inside, he’s almost immediately called over by the host of the party himself. 

“Dan! Dan the man! Come on, mate, we’re doing shots!” Christopher’s obnoxious voice calls over to him from his spot in the lounge, a group of familiar faces surrounding him. 

Dan tries not to grimace, but it’s hard. He doesn’t like getting drunk with a group nearly as much as he did back in his teenage years, as he’s got this awful tendency to spill his guts about every secret in his life. That tendency had gotten him into a lot of trouble with Ben over the years, so eventually he’d stopped drinking so much at parties. 

“Good to see you, mate,” Dan says amicably when he reaches the group, patting Christopher on the back. And it was, Christopher was one of the only actors that were signed on at the agency that he actually liked. Some of them weren’t horrible, exactly, but Dan did have standards when it came to his friends. 

“Here you go,” says a girl called April as she hands him a shot glass. 

“Thanks,” Dan nods to her. He glances around the room to survey the attendees for anyone else that he was friends with, mainly so he’d have an excuse to escape Christopher before his drinking games began. “Nice party, mate, I-“ He begins, eyes still flitting around the room. He cuts himself off abruptly when he sees blonde hair and a leather jacket. 

No. Please, no.

But yes, it’s unmistakably Ben, and standing next to him is a petite girl with platinum blonde hair, much lighter than Ben’s could ever hope to be without serious work. Sophia. 

Dan can’t help but study Ben, checking to see any visible signs of discomfort or grief. He doesn’t find any, but as he watches him talking and laughing with the few people around him, Ben’s eyes suddenly flick up, meeting his own briefly. His face flaming, Dan quickly turns back to the group he’s with, downing his shot at once. Okay, so maybe he’d have a couple drinks tonight. 

“You alright, Dan?” Comes a quiet voice to his left. Dan glances over and finds Erika, Annette’s assistant and one of his close friends. She’s holding a water bottle, and Dan knows from previous party experience that it’s just that- water. She doesn’t drink, and Dan thinks that at this moment he’d never been so grateful to see another human being. 

“Erika! I haven’t seen you in ages,” Dan says brightly, avoiding her question as he leans down to hug her. 

The brunette smiles up at him but bites her lip and flicks her eyes over somewhere behind Dan, and he knows that she’s seen Ben. It wasn’t like everyone at the agency knew that Dan and Ben had been a thing and weren’t anymore, but it certainly hadn’t left the attention of his PR agent and some of her staff. If he wasn’t so anxious after seeing Ben, he’d probably be embarrassed about how the sight of Ben made him react. 

“How have you been, love?” Erika asks in a soft voice, only barely loud enough for Dan to hear her. 

He glances over at the group, and realizing they aren’t paying any attention to them, he nods for her to follow him to a corner to talk quietly. “I’ve been better,” he says with a bitter laugh. 

She levels him with a pitying smile, and he feels a tightening in his throat, which he hates. “I heard that Ben moved out,” she says quietly. 

Dan clenches his fists, trying to remind himself that Erika didn’t mean anything by it. It’s not like she knew all the details; he hadn’t even told Annette the full story. The first day back at the agency after the awards ceremony, she’d asked what exactly happened, and he’d given her the shortest answer possible, just explaining that he would be moving Ben’s things out soon. He’d left it at that. 

“We weren’t really living together in the first place,” Dan mutters under his breath, looking down at his shoes and half-wishing he had gotten a drink from someone before this conversation. 

Erika sends him a disbelieving look. “Sure, but his things were living at your flat, right?” The thing about Erika was that while she was a sweetheart, she was not afraid to call him out on his shit. It looked like this would be one of those times. 

“Well, they aren’t going to be for long. I’ve already started packing it up.” He wasn’t going to pretend that she was wrong; Erika knew more about his and Ben’s situation than even Annette did. 

It’s quiet for a few moments before Erika speaks. “I’m sorry, love,” she says gently. “I can’t even imagine… You know you can come stay with me anytime you want, right? If you just need to a change of view or some company.” 

He knows her offer is sincere, but he hated to be a burden. “Thanks, Erika. I’ll let you know if I need a shoulder to cry on, but for now I think I’m handling it okay.” He offers her a smile to soften the blow of his rejection. 

If it bothers her that he didn’t accept the invitation, she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she points to a group of people by the fireplace. “Did you hear that James and Phoebe are sleeping together?” She asks in a conspiratorial voice. 

Dan laughs at this, more than glad that the topic of their conversation has moved to something that isn’t his own life. “I hadn’t, but I can believe it. James is just making his way ‘round, huh?” 

Erika’s eyes sparkle, and Dan can tell she’s glad that her distraction is a success. “I think the only people he hasn’t slept with are the guys at the agency and me, of course,” she giggles. 

“Imagine that!” He replies, shaking his head with a fond smile. “He wouldn’t sleep with a lesbian?” 

“Yeah, I think-“ she starts, turning to gesture to the fireplace again. 

She’s interrupted by a voice Dan definitely didn’t want to hear. “Gossiping, are we, ladies?” Ben sneers.

Dan huffs, turning to face him. His breath gets caught when he sees him up-close for the first time in three weeks. He looks good, obviously, with his stupid blonde hair and his stupid leather jacket. He’s got a smirk on his face when Dan looks at him, and Dan can only imagine how much he’s enjoying the way Dan is obviously still very much attracted to him. 

“Not about you, sadly. Do something interesting with your life and you might just make an appearance in our little chats,” Erika says in a sickly-sweet voice. 

Her sarcastic comment breaks Dan out of his stupor, and he tries to hide his smile. Ben looks at her with distaste, much the way that he looked at everyone else he thought was beneath him. “Right, because I want to be the center of attention in your little gay fantasies.”

Dan scoffs at that. “As if, mate. You would want to be the center of attention in a room of serial killers, even if they were trying to kill you.” 

Ben narrows his eyes at him. “At least I’m not scared of the attention I get,” he snaps. 

Shrugging, Dan shifts to lean against the wall, trying to put some space between them. “Not scared, just don’t get off to it like you do.” Dan smirks as he says this, seeing the perfect opening for a remark he’ll probably regret. “And I would know about getting you off, huh, Ben?” 

The blonde clenches his fist at his side, and Dan instinctively flinches away. He doesn’t even realize he’s done it until he hears Erika gasp softly beside him. 

“You need to go. Right now.” She’s glaring at Ben, a look of pure hatred on her face. Dan had never seen her look so livid, but right now she looked absolutely disgusted. 

Ben shifts his glare onto her, laughing loudly and crossing his arms. Dan’s eyes flit around the room, and he shifts awkwardly when he realizes that they’ve got quite a few eyes on them at the moment. “Erika…” he says lowly, trying to keep her voice down. 

“So, Danny needs a bodyguard now? Poor bastard can’t defend himself, so he needs you to do it for him?” Although Dan knows he’s speaking to Erika, he knows the words are meant to hurt him. 

“No-“ Erika starts, stepping closer to him and poking his chest harshly. 

“Erika, stop, just-“ 

“Don’t act like you don’t get off to someone taking care of you, Daniel. We both know you’re just a little bitch who can’t take care of himself,” Ben taunts, a smirk on his lips. 

Dan’s teeth grind together, and he gently tugs on Erika’s arm to pull her away from him. He appreciated the thought, but he knew Ben, and unfortunately, he knew that he was absolutely the kind of person to swing a punch, even if the person in front of him was a woman. “That’s enough, Ben. Wouldn’t want everyone in here to figure out all your little secrets, would we?” Dan raises a brow in challenge, knowing damn well that Ben doesn’t want anyone to know about their past. 

Ben clenches his jaw, but steps back. He glances around the room, and it seems like everyone who was watching them suddenly realizes how rude that is, as almost every pair of eyes flit away. “We both know you wouldn’t say shit, faggot.” Ben spits the word out, and Dan can feel his blood boiling. 

“You seem to forget that I’m not the one stuck in a fucking closet. I’d watch my fucking mouth, if I were you,” Dan replies snidely, his anger giving him the confidence to say something so bold to Ben. 

With his eyes narrowed, Ben leans in closer, and it takes everything in Dan to not flinch away. “You can call it what you want, but we both know that at the end of the day, you’re just another hole to fuck,” he whispers, just loud enough so Dan can hear over the music and chatter.

Dan doesn’t even think before he does it. One moment he’s feeling the pain and anger of hearing the man he once loved say that to him, and the next he’s shoving him, hard. 

Ben loses his balance and falls to the floor, effectively quieting the room. He looks almost as shocked as Dan feels, looking up at him with an expression Dan has never seen on his face. Dan can feel his hands shaking and he knows he’s about to have a breakdown if he doesn’t leave. 

Before he can even consider it, he looks down at Ben, a frown on his face. “I feel sorry for you, Ben. I really, really do.” He glances around the room until he catches sight of Sophia, who looks shocked at the scene in front of her. “I just hope she’s not as stupid as I was.” 

Sophia stares at him, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion at his words. He knows it’s not his concern, but he hopes that for her sake, she breaks up with Ben. She really was a sweet girl, she didn’t deserve the kind of shit life she’d have if she stayed with him. 

Without a second glance at the man on the floor, Dan murmurs a quick goodbye to Erika before heading to the front door. Christopher yells out to him, probably to try and get some sort of explanation, but Dan waves him off, pulling his phone out as he steps outside. He’d taken an Uber here, but he hadn’t asked the driver to hang around, considering he thought he’d be there for several hours, instead of less than one. 

He quickly goes through the app and orders a car, walking out to sit on the side of the road until it arrived. A message popped up saying there was a driver less than ten minutes away, and he was more than relieved to see that he wouldn’t be stuck out here long. He’d hate for anyone to come out here to check on him, or try and ask him what had happened, which was honestly the more likely outcome. 

Barely ten minutes later, a car is pulling up close to the house. Dan stands and tucks his phone into his pocket, slowly making his way over to the car. Something about the color is familiar to him, but it doesn’t full set in until he’s almost to the car. He stops dead in his tracks, staring in silence as the driver’s side window rolls down, revealing a face that’s been keeping him up at night. 

“Um… Hi,” Phil says softly, scratching the back of his head in an awkward fashion. 

Dan doesn’t speak. It’s almost as if he’s seeing a ghost, but he can tell that Phil is definitely there, and he is very much about to be alone in a car with him. 

“Uh, you can… Um, you can sit in the passenger if you want,” Phil stutters out awkwardly, gesturing to the seat beside him.

Silently, Dan moves around to the passenger side of the car, his mind stuck on the fact that after three weeks, he’s actually seeing Phil again. He puts his seatbelt on slowly, staring at his hands as he does so and trying hard not to look over at the driver. As soon as he’s buckled up, however, he’s got nothing else to distract himself with. 

“Do you need my address?” He asks flatly, staring straight out the windshield instead of looking at Phil. 

He can feel the other man’s gaze on him, but he refuses to meet it. After a quiet sigh, Phil speaks. “No, I remember how to get there.” 

“Okay.” 

It’s silent in the car for a few moments, and Dan doesn’t know if that’s worse than talking about the obvious elephant in the room. He doesn’t know if Phil even wants to talk about it, but he knows that he’s biting his tongue to keep his thoughts to himself. 

Eventually, Phil seems unable to handle the silence. “How have you been?” He asks softly. 

Dan can’t help it. He glances over at him, an incredulous look on his face. “I’m sorry?” He asks, as if he hadn’t heard him right. 

Phil clears his throat, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. “How have you been? It’s been… about three weeks, right?” 

With a bitter laugh, Dan shifts to lean his head back. “Yeah. Three weeks. I’ve been doing just lovely, thanks for asking.”

There’s a beat of silence before Phil says, “I don’t think you’re being honest.” 

Dan whips his head to the side to stare at Phil. “Well spotted,” he snaps. 

Phil lets out a deep breath, and Dan can tell he’s becoming agitated. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

This time, Dan really doesn’t think he’s heard him right. “What?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing together. 

“I’m sorry. For… well, for not answering your message, for one. And…” He glances over at Dan then, swallowing hard, and Dan’s eyes flit down to take in the movement. “And for leaving without telling you.” 

Dan can only stare at him in silence for what feels like a long time. He’d wanted that apology, but now that he’s got it, he doesn’t feel any better. If anything, it only manages to make him feel worse. “Right,” Dan says, clearing his throat. He glances out the window, relieved to see that they’re already almost to his flat. Luckily it was a short drive this time, because although he’d spent the majority of the past three weeks thinking about Phil, he’s finding that he really doesn’t want to be around him right now. 

“I get why you’re upset with me, Dan, really, I do, but please say something.” Phil’s voice is almost begging, and Dan knows it won’t take long for him to cave. 

Dan laughs once, without humor. “I don’t have anything to say, Phil. We fucked, and you disappeared right after. There’s really not much to comment on there, if you ask me.” He shrugs, trying to sound as nonchalant as he can. 

“Dan…” Phil says softly, clearly upset. 

They’ve pulled up to his building, and Dan knows he’s got to ask. It’s eating away at him, and he knows he’s got to have an answer. “Can you just tell me why?” He asks, finally turning to properly face Phil once he’s brought the car to a stop. “Was it… Was it not good for you? Or was it the fact that I told you all that shit about Ben? Because you literally told me I could talk to you about it, and I…” He trails off, his throat slowly closing up. He shuts his eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears. “I really wanted to be friends. Like I didn’t want to just fuck you, you know.” 

“It’s not that! It wasn’t any of that, Dan, I swear. I just… I can’t…” Phil’s voice cracks, and Dan’s eyes flutter open to find him staring at him helplessly, his eyes watery. Some sick, hurt part of Dan is glad to see that Phil is upset. It made him feel slightly better about his own pain, in a weird way. 

“Is there… is it someone else?” Dan whispers, almost not wanting an answer. He’d be sick, actually sick, if Phil told him he’d cheated on someone else with him that night. 

“What?” Phil sounds shocked. “No, Dan. God, no. I don’t do that.” He’s shaking his head adamantly, and Dan believes him. The relief he feels at the reassurance is immeasurable. 

“Then?” He questions, raising his eyebrows. “What the fuck?”

Phil takes in a deep breath, leaning back in his seat and letting his gaze flit away from Dan and onto the building they’re parked in front of. Dan doesn’t think he’s going to answer at first, but after a few moments, he begins speaking quietly. “I’m not good enough for you,” he breathes. “I’m not an actor or anyone special, okay? I wish I was, but I’m not. I’m just me. I work at a video store and drive for Uber to make ends meet, and I just-“

Dan cuts him off with a harsh laugh, pulling out his wallet and counting out enough money for this ride and the last one, since he’d never gotten to pay him. “That’s ridiculous, you know.” He can’t help the way his voice cracks. “Pulling the whole “it’s not you, it’s me,” thing. It’s good, but I really expected something a little more impressive.” He places the cash on the console between them before stepping out of the car. 

“Dan, please-“ Phil starts, looking stricken. 

“You know, I really thought that we just clicked, you know? Like the whole time we were together that night, I felt like we had a lot in common, and it was such a relief to be around someone who wasn’t a total dick, but I guess I’ve never been great at character judgement.” Dan shakes his head, a grimace on his face. He slams the car door shut, ignoring how badly he wants to turn around and apologize for what he’d just said. 

“That’s not fair,” Phil calls to him. Dan turns around to find Phil stepping out of the car. 

“No, what’s not fair is you acting like you gave a damn about me and then leaving without saying shit. Do you know how that feels? Like, honestly?” He swallows hard. He hadn’t given a name to what he’d felt since seeing Phil again, but he felt like he finally had some clarity. He felt used. As if Phil had only wanted to sleep with him because he’s “famous,” not because he actually liked him. 

“I’m sorry, Dan. Please, I didn’t-“ he steps closer, holding his hand out as if he wants to touch Dan. 

On instinct, Dan flinches away. The look of hurt on Phil’s face then almost breaks his heart, but he refuses to act as if it did. “It felt like being used, Phil. That’s how it felt.” 

Phil’s shoulders sag then, as if he’s just deflated. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Dan. I just… I’m not like you. I don’t have money, or a ton of friends, or some amazing career. And, you… You deserve whatever you want, Dan.” 

Dan shakes his head slowly. “What I wanted was you,” he mutters before turning to go inside his flat. 

“Dan, please, I just-“ 

Without so much as a glance back, Dan walks into his building, shutting the door behind him with a firm click. 

~

A heavy cardboard box sits at the end of Dan’s sofa, haphazardly closed with some scotch tape. He hadn’t bothered labeling it; when he dropped them off at Annette’s office, he’d make sure she called Ben in to come retrieve them. Dan had no desire to see the man himself, and he knew his manager would take care of it for him. With a heavy sigh, Dan allows his gaze to sweep over the lounge, making sure for the last time that he’d collected all of Ben’s belongings. 

After finding nothing that didn’t belong to him, Dan moves to the kitchen. He was almost certain that he had already gotten everything of Ben’s from the cupboards, but he planned on double checking just to make sure. He opens the cupboard where he kept the coffee mugs, and his gaze catches on one in particular. He pulls the stupid Mario Kart mug out and without a second glance, tosses it straight in the bin. It was a shitty mug anyway, he reasons with himself as he turns back to the cupboard. 

With nothing else left in the kitchen to remove, Dan makes his way to his bedroom. He’d left the final box in there, and after a quick check he would be done with packing everything up. He specifically avoids looking at the items already filling the box, instead turning to riffle through his dresser. He’d left one empty for Ben, and although he’d already emptied it out, he knew that Ben had a tendency to stuff his clothes and things in the other drawers, too. After finding nothing but an old Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt, he slams the drawers shut. 

It was weirdly therapeutic, closing the box full of Ben’s things and closing it with crappy tape. It felt like the ending of a chapter, and even though it sort of felt like everything else in his life had gone to shit, Dan feels slightly better knowing that at least this part was over. 

He drops the last box onto the top of the other one in his lounge, dropping his hands to his waist as he surveys his day’s work. “Well. That’s that, I suppose,” he says aloud. He’s well aware of how weird it makes him look to just talk to himself in an otherwise empty flat, but he’d declined Erika’s offer to help him pack. Maybe he slightly regretted that now, but he felt that he needed to be alone to do this. Now that he was done, however, we was feeling drained and exhausted and in desperate need of a shower and some human interaction. 

Dan’s just picked up his phone and started typing out a message to Erika when he hears a knock at his door. He wants to groan, because he knew of only two people who knew the code to get into his building, and right now he wasn’t in the mood to talk to Annette or, god forbid, Ben. With a groan that’s more overdramatic than the situation warrants, he makes his way to the door and flings it open without a second thought. 

“Hi, I- oh.” His standard welcome is cut short when he realizes the person on the other side of his door is neither party he expected. 

Phil gives him a shy smile. “Hey, um, someone was leaving when I came in, and they held the door for me. I’m not sure if they just assumed I lived here, or they just didn’t care, but I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a serial murderer.” 

It takes Dan several moments to find his voice. After their argument the other night, he hadn’t expected to see Phil ever again, and despite the fact that it annoyed him deeply, he’d managed to push it to the back of his mind, considering it wasn’t like he really had a lot to tie himself to the man. And yet, here he is, rambling at his door.

“Why are you here?” Is the first thing that falls from Dan’s mouth. He almost winces at himself with how rude it sounds, but then he remembers why they left things the way they did, and decides he’s earned the right to be rude. 

Phil’s face drops into an expression of guilt. “I know you probably want me to leave, but I needed to come by and apologize. I know I made you upset the other day, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said, and for leaving without telling you, and for not answering your messages. I was a twat, and I know that.” His words come out in a rush, and Dan is left staring at him in mute surprise. 

It’s then that he notices that Phil isn’t empty-handed; in his right hand, his fingers grip a small gift bag, messily stuffed with tissue paper. “What’s in the bag?” He asks rather than addressing Phil’s apology. It was almost exactly what Dan wanted to hear, but Phil didn’t have to know that right now, and Dan didn’t have to forgive him so soon. 

At Dan’s words, Phil seems to remember he’s holding something, and he quickly holds it out. “Oh. Um, here. It’s for you.” 

Dan frowns, his brows knitting together uncertainly. “Is it, like, a bomb or something?” He asks, only partially joking. He’d never been actually seriously threatened before, but he still barely knew Phil, he wasn’t going to just blindly assume that he wouldn’t try it. 

Phil’s lips curve up into a small smile, and he shakes his head. “No, it’s not. It’s… well, just look and see.” 

With a strong sense of uncertainty and more curious than he’d like to admit, Dan tugs the tissue paper out of the bag. Phil holds a hand out for it, and Dan is careful not to allow their hands to touch as he hands it over. He’s left staring into the bag, his eyebrows knitting together yet again as he tugs the object out. “A coffee mug?” He asks flatly. He wasn’t sure what exactly to expect, but a plain black coffee mug wasn’t exactly it. 

Phil smiles, clearly excited. “It changes when you pour hot water in it. Like,” he reaches a hand out for it then, and unthinkingly, Dan flinches away. Phil’s smile drops, and he studies Dan with an almost sad look in his eyes. “May I?” He asks, softly. Dan slowly nods, holding the cup out to him. Phil takes it from him gently, turning it over to show Dan one side of it. “The cup will turn white, and this part right here will show the heart from Undertale,” he explains, glancing up at Dan with a sheepish smile. “I thought, um… I figured it would match your other one.” 

Dan settles into a stunned silence at the thoughtful gift, staring down at the ceramic as he tries to process it. Phil didn’t have to apologize to him, obviously, but he certainly didn’t have to do so with a gift. Dan wasn’t sure anyone, especially Ben, had ever done something like that for him, so now he wasn’t so sure that he could fathom Phil’s reasoning for it. “Um, thank you,” he says softly, taking the mug back when Phil holds it out to him. 

Nodding, Phil steps back, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck in what is probably a nervous habit. “You’re welcome. Um… I guess I’ll go, I just wanted to bring that by, and… I just wanted to say I was sorry, for messing everything up. I really didn’t intend for things to go the way they did.” 

Still trying to gather his thoughts, Dan watches as Phil turns around, tucking his hands into his pockets as he moves to disappear from Dan’s life. Without much thought to the consequences of doing so, Dan steps out and calls his name. 

Phil turns around with an eyebrow raised, looking more surprised than Dan feels he has the right to. “Yeah?” 

Dan chews his lip for a moment, glancing back down at the mug in his hands. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and speaks. “Are you busy right now?” 

There’s a beat of silence, and Dan slowly opens his eyes to take a peek at Phil’s reaction. He’s expecting more silence or even an awkward excuse, but Phil has a soft smile on his face. “I’m not, no.” 

Nodding, as if he’d expected this, Dan runs his hand through his curls before gesturing to his flat. “Would you like to come play Mario Kart with me?” 

Phil’s smile shifts into something even softer, if it’s possible, and Dan swallows hard. He’s inviting him in as a friend this time, nothing more. He can do that, and they can be friends. He’s afraid if he doesn’t convince himself of this, he’ll mess things up. “I’d love to,” Phil responds easily. 

Dan steps back and holds the door for him, closing it with a gentle push once Phil is making his way to the lounge. “You can take your coat off and put it wherever,” he says off-handedly as he goes to set the mug in the kitchen. 

When he makes his way back to the lounge, Phil’s left his coat on the back of the armchair Dan rarely used, and the man himself is stood staring at the boxes at the end of Dan’s sofa, an almost-grimace on his face. Before Dan has the chance to say anything, Phil turns to look at him, a strange look on his face. “Are you moving?” He asks. If Dan didn’t know better, he’d think that Phil actually sounded upset about it. 

Dan smiles at this but shakes his head. “No, I’m just clearing out some junk I don’t need anymore.” He moves to the television and begins setting up the game, glancing over at Phil as he does so. “You can sit, you know. I’m not going to make you stand the entire time you’re here.” 

Phil smiles briefly at this, but he’s got a panicked look on his face, like he really wants to say something else. Dan quirks an eyebrow at him, and apparently that’s all the permission he needed, because then he’s speaking quickly, barely giving Dan a chance to catch his words. “Not that I don’t want to spend time with you, because obviously I do, but I really think we should talk about what happened. You’ve barely said anything to me since I got here, and I want to know what you’re thinking. Please, just say something so I know you don’t hate me.” 

Seemingly done with his rant, Phil drops to sit on the sofa, looking up at Dan with an almost pleading look in his eyes. 

Dan blinks. He certainly wasn’t expecting all that, but he supposed it was good that Phil brought it up, so he didn’t have to. Grabbing his switch from the bookcase where he kept it, he carefully took each end off so that he and Phil could play in multi-player mode, all the while carefully gathering his thoughts for the conversation they were about to have. 

“I was upset after you dropped me off the other night,” he admits quietly, handing Phil a controller as he sits beside him on the sofa. “I was confused, mostly, I think, but I was definitely upset.” He sighs then, turning to share a small smile with Phil. “But, like all things, I had to get over it, right?” 

Phil looks upset, with himself or Dan is unclear. He shakes his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Dan’s face as his fingers trail over the tiny controller in his hand. “No, you had a right to be upset, Dan. And… I hate to sound cliché, god, but you’re allowed to hold onto that, you know? Your anger wasn’t misplaced, and you’re allowed to hold onto that if you aren’t ready to get over it. I…” he trails off then, finally dropping his eyes to his lap. “I know that I messed up by treating you the way I did, but I swear I didn’t do it with the intentions of hurting you.” 

Dan takes a moment to process this, swallowing a few times to try and get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth. It doesn’t work. Eventually, he finds a response. “I don’t want to be that person that holds onto things like that. You fucked up, but you know you did, and you’ve already apologized. I’m not… I’d like a fresh start, I guess.” He rolls his eyes as he says this, sending Phil a bemused smile. “Look at me, being the real cliché here.” 

A small smile quirks at Phil’s lips, finally. “I think a fresh start would be good.” There’s a tremor of nervousness in his voice, as if he’s afraid Dan will suddenly want to change his mind. 

“Yeah?” Dan asks, chewing his lips as he watches Phil push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

Phil nods, taking the same hand through his hair, messing his quiff up. It looks good that way, though, so Dan doesn’t say a word. “I’d really like the chance to show you that I’m not a total dick, even though I definitely acted like it before.” 

Dan grins at this, nudging Phil gently with his elbow as he finally turns to the TV. He felt the serious part of their conversation was over, and he was ready for some friendly competition. “I don’t mind dicks, believe it or not,” he teases lewdly, sending a smirk to the man beside him. 

His lips pursed as if he’s holding a laugh in, Phil levels him with an unimpressed look. “At least take me to dinner before trying to get in my pants, Howell.” 

The joke is funny, and Dan snorts, but something about the usage of his surname reminds him of something important. “I don’t know anything about you,” he says suddenly, completely disregarding what Phil’s just said. 

Phil glances away from the screen, where Dan had been going through the motions of setting up the game, frowning at Dan. “Don’t you?” He asks, sounding confused. 

Dan shakes his head adamantly. “I don’t even know your last name,” he informs Phil, his eyes scanning over the screen to pick a course. “What course is your favorite?” 

“I’m good at the Electrodrome.” There’s a beat of silence then, before he speaks quietly. “Lester.”

Glancing over at him with his eyebrows drawn, Dan asks, “Pardon?” 

Phil gestures to him with the hand not holding his little controller. “My last name. It’s Lester.” 

A little surprised that’d he’d actually told him, Dan pauses. “Oh.” Then, “Thank you for telling me.” 

Shrugging, Phil moves to lean back on the sofa. “My middle name is Michael. If you were wondering.” He’s got a small smile on his face, and Dan wonders if this is turning into twenty questions. 

With a little smile, Dan selects the Electrodrome course on the game before speaking again. “Mine’s James.” He shifts so that he’s sitting with his legs criss-crossed, tugging a decorative pillow onto his lap for arm support. “I suppose you could just google anything you wanted to know about me,” he muses, almost as an afterthought. 

“I couldn’t google what you look like when you’ve just woken up.” Phil’s voice is soft, and although the race has already started, Dan can’t help but look over at him, swallowing hard when he sees the hopeful, almost pleading look on Phil’s face. 

Dan’s eyes shift back to the screen to focus on not losing, but his mind is swirling with what Phil’s just said. The implication was obvious, but he wasn’t positive how exactly he should interpret it. He goes with the obvious way. “I guess that’s something you’d have to find out for yourself,” he breathes, trying not to show how nervously excited the prospect of Phil spending the night, like actually spending the night, makes him. 

“Could I? Find out for myself, that is?” Phil murmurs. Dan feels the sofa shift and he feels rather than sees the way that Phil has turned to be almost facing Dan, his knee pressing against Dan’s thigh gently. 

Dan swallows, and nods, barely glancing over at the man beside him. Bright blue eyes meet his gaze, and he almost says fuck the game right then and there. “I’d like that.” 

Phil smiles then, an adorable sight that has Dan’s character on screen running into a wall with how distracted he is. Shaking himself slightly, Dan shifts his gaze back to the screen. Phil chuckles softly, and Dan almost flushes at the fact that Phil knows how he’s affected him. 

“Are you hungry?” Dan asks sometime later, once they’ve started a new race. He glances over at Phil and finds him concentrating on the screen intently. His gaze meets Dan’s when he realizes that the brunette’s stare is on him. “If you’re staying anyway, we can order pizza, or something. If you want?” Dan’s a little uncertain if Phil was serious about the earlier implication, but now he’s basically asked him for an answer. 

“Pizza sounds great,” Phil smiles at him. 

Dan nods, and they finish the round they’re on with banter and some light shoves. Dan wins, but Phil promises to redeem himself later. When they’re done, Dan tosses the remote onto the coffee table before standing to go search for his laptop. “Domino’s?” He asks. 

Phil nods, excitement in his eyes. “The superior pizza place, honestly,” he comments as Dan moves over to his armchair where his MacBook is laying. 

“Right? It’s the only food worth consuming.” He drops back onto the sofa and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table, opening the laptop and hoping that he’d closed any weird tabs he’d had open. Luckily there’s only a couple Wikipedia articles and a tab with a funny YouTube video pulled up. He quickly opens a new tab and finds Domino’s website, going to the build a pizza option. “What do you like on your pizza?” 

Phil is looking at the options, and it’s not until Dan glances over that he realizes how close they are on the sofa. He wants to close the distance and press his lips to Phil’s, but he holds himself back. “I like their sizzler, but I’m really not picky. Just don’t like, add a bunch of extra cheese, and I’ll be fine.” 

Dan raises an eyebrow. “What did cheese do to you?” He teases before clicking the options to build a half and half pizza with the option Phil had suggested, as well as what he normally got. 

“I don’t like cheese.” Phil shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but Dan’s head whips around to stare at him in shock. 

“You’re kidding,” he gasps. “On second thought, I don’t know if this is going to work out.” 

Phil rolls his eyes and gently elbows Dan in the ribs. “Don’t be so dramatic,” he whines. “I just can’t eat cheese. It makes me sick.” He flushes as if he’s embarrassed to admit this, but the knowledge that he doesn’t hate cheese and cheese just hates him settles Dan’s attitude. 

“Oh, well that’s different. You can’t eat cheese, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to,” he says with a shrug. Phil opens his mouth as if he’s about to speak, but Dan is quick to bring a hand up to cover his mouth. “Nope. Don’t speak, you’ll ruin it.” 

Phil’s eyes crinkle like he’s smiling, and Dan is so focused on how the different shades of blue swirl in his eyes that he jumps when he feels a little nip at the palm of his hand. When he pulls his hand away, Phil giggles, likely at his expression. 

“Did you just- you bit me!” Dan accuses, staring at his hand as if he’s been infected. 

“I did,” Phil agrees gleefully. He leans closer, dropping his head to press his mouth to Dan’s shoulder. Their eyes are locked when Phil gently nips at the skin covered by Dan’s t-shirt. 

Something about the look in Phil’s eyes and seeing him mouthing at his shoulder like that makes Dan’s stomach swoop with arousal, and he can’t stop the shiver that wracks through his body. “You’re not…” He lets out a breath before glancing back at Phil, finding the other man looking up at him with a mischievous smile. “You’re not like a cannibal or something, right?” 

Phil laughs then but shakes his head and leans away from Dan’s shoulder. “No. You do look good enough to eat though.” Dan feels his skin flush then, and Phil seems to misunderstand the reasoning for this. “I’m sorry, am I being too forward? I just- I don’t know, I’m not great at like flirting, but-“ 

Dan interrupts him then. “No, I promise you’re doing just fine. I just- ah, I’m not really used to that kind of attention unless it’s followed pretty directly by… well, you know,” he stammers, feeling embarrassed at admitting yet another fault in his and Ben’s… arrangement. 

Instead of being bothered by this, Phil only smiles, shaking his head. “That’s a shame. If you’ll allow it, I fully plan on showering you with horrible attempts at flirting and compliments.” 

With a snort, Dan finalizes their order and closes his laptop, setting it on the coffee table. He tries his best to act unaffected by Phil’s words, but he can feel his heart racing at the idea of being pampered like that. He’d gotten so comfortable with hiding any feelings he had for Ben, so this sounded like some kind of heaven to him. “I guess, if there’s no way to stop you, I’ll probably just have to deal with it,” he sighs, as if it’s the biggest inconvenience in the world. He remembers then that he wanted to go shower, so he stands to do just that. 

Before he can make it past the coffee table, Phil sticks his feet up, trapping him in. “You know we have like fifteen minutes before the pizza gets here,” he says, his eyes holding a suggestion Dan really doesn’t want to turn down, but he knows that he needs a shower more than he needs to mess around with Phil. Besides, if he was actually staying the night, they’d have time for that, if they still wanted it. 

“I know, but I need a shower, and you probably need some time to make sure you’re not making a mistake by staying.” He means it as a joke, but as he looks down at Phil, he realizes it might not be. He feels his heart clench at the idea that even after all this Phil might still leave, but he pushes that away. 

Phil frowns at him and leans forward suddenly, dropping his feet in favor of reaching a hand up, tugging Dan down by his shirt. Dan barely has a moment to catch himself on Phil’s shoulder before their lips are meeting, his eyes slipping closed at the contact. Phil doesn’t linger long, but as soon as he lets go of Dan’s shirt, he leans back and levels him with a serious look. “I’ve had plenty of time, Dan.”

Swallowing hard, Dan tugs at his shirt and chews his bottom lip. “You’ll still be here when I come back?” He asks, just to make sure. 

A pained look crosses Phil’s face, and he nods. “I swear. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Dan nods, and he knows he’ll just have to trust him this time. “Okay. I’ll be right back, then.” 

He can feel Phil’s gaze following him as he walks out of the lounge and makes his way to his bathroom. Although Phil had just promised he wouldn’t leave, Dan rushes to shower and wash his hair, finishing in less than ten minutes in his rush to make sure that Phil kept his promise. As soon as he’s finished, he throws a towel around his waist and makes his way to his bedroom to put on some pajamas. 

After pulling on a stripey t-shirt and a pair of pants, Dan pauses, pondering the pros and cons of bothering with any actual pajama bottoms. If the evening was going where he thought it was, he wouldn’t really want the extra layer later, but if it wasn’t… well, it might be a bit awkward. 

Rather than sit and dwell on it for too long, he trades his underwear for a pair that is slightly looser, as well as a baggier t-shirt with ugly cats on it. It could pass for everyday pajamas, he hoped. As an afterthought, he tugs out a second pair of pants and another t-shirt for Phil, just in case he really did plan to stay. 

Once he’s finished and he’s certain he isn’t going to lose his nerve to wear what he has on, Dan makes his way back to the lounge. 

And for the second time, his world feels like it’s crashing down, as he’s met with an empty lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... maybe Dan overreacted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final part! Thank you so much for reading!  
> I have not given this a really good read through yet but I wanted to go ahead and post it as soon as I finished.   
> Also !! there is some smut in this that I was actually blushing while writing, so read at your own risk lol

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Dan groans, or almost sobs, when he realizes the lounge is devoid of the raven-haired man who had previously occupied it. 

“What?” A voice inquires curiously from behind him. 

Dan yelps as he whirls around, clutching at his heart out of fear. “Jesus fuck- Phil!” He realizes he’s practically screeching, but Phil only seems a little surprised. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Phil apologizes with a smile as he casually moves to set a pizza box on the coffee table, as if he hadn’t just almost given Dan a heart attack. “Pizza’s here,” he announces, looking smug when he turns around and catches the expression on his face. 

Dan gives Phil no time to enjoy the success of his unintentional jump-scare though, stepping forward and grabbing Phil’s shirt harshly. Phil barely has a chance to stumble over his feet before Dan is yanking him down and smashing their lips together with more force than is strictly necessary. He traces Phil’s bottom lip with his tongue before nipping at it and pulling away. 

Phil looks a little startled and dazed, but in a good way. “What… Not that I’m complaining, but um, what was that for?” 

“I thought you left, you dick,” Dan mutters as he moves to go to the kitchen to fetch some plates and drinks. 

Phil follows him in, and a confused laugh accompanies him. “You what?” 

Dan sighs, glancing over his shoulder at him. “When I got out of the shower and saw that the lounge was empty, I thought you’d left again.” He tries to keep the hurt out of his voice, but he knows it’s audible. 

Even knowing that Phil can tell how upset he was made by it, he’s surprised when he feels two arms wrap around his waist and a pair of lips against his neck. “I’m sorry. The pizza guy came while you were in the shower, and I figured I’d be back before you were out.” 

“’S fine,” Dan mumbles, feeling silly for how he reacted now. 

Phil presses his lips at the base of Dan’s neck, lingering there for a moment as he seems to breathe him in. Dan can feel the way that Phil’s hips are pressed against his, and if he shifts, he’s certain he’ll feel Phil’s cock through his pants. “Still. I’m sorry.” 

Before Dan can test his theory, Phil steps back, dragging his hands away from Dan’s waist slowly. When Dan turns around to hand Phil the plates to carry, he notices the cheeky smirk on Phil’s face. “What?” He asks, somewhat defensively. 

Shaking his head, Phil bites his lip. “Cute outfit,” he murmurs, his eyes raking down Dan’s body. 

If it were only a couple years earlier, Dan would have been self-conscious and probably would have went to change, but he’d managed to grow up a bit since then. Just a bit, though, because while he doesn’t immediately go to change, Phil’s hooded gaze does make his cheeks flush. His blood isn’t just running to his face, though, and he quickly moves past Phil in order to hide what might become a problem in the front of his pants. 

“Thanks. I don’t get all dressed up for just anybody,” he taunts as he moves back to the lounge, carrying two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. 

Phil laughs at this but doesn’t comment as he places their plates down and sits on the sofa. As Dan pours their drinks, Phil opens the pizza box to plate their dinner. “Do you want a slice of each?” He asks, glancing up at Dan. 

Dan shrugs. “I’ve never had the sizzler, but I’ll try it.” 

“Try new things,” Phil smiles before serving Dan a slice of each. 

His eyes shift over to give Phil a curious look, but Dan doesn’t comment on the mantra. “Do you wanna watch something? I’ve got Netflix, or we can watch some anime.”

Phil takes the glass Dan holds out to him, a contemplative look on his face. He looks hopeful as he suggests, “Netflix and Phil?” 

Dan stares at him for a moment, trying to force himself not to crack a smile. “That’s officially cancelled, sorry.” 

Phil’s tongue sticks out between his teeth in that cute way he has as he leans back on the sofa, carefully balancing his plate on the arm. “C’mon, Dan, that was probably the best joke I’ve ever made.”

Shaking his head, Dan settles at the opposite end of the sofa with his own pizza, propping his plate carefully onto the arm to mirror Phil’s stance. “Mate, that’s literally not even the best joke you’ve made today, forget being the best joke of your whole life.” 

With a small smile on his lips, Phil shifts so that his legs are up on the sofa, tucking his toes under Dan’s thigh. Dan raises an eyebrow at him questioningly, glancing down at his mismatched socks. “You’re so far away,” Phil says in a voice just bordering on whiny. 

Dan can’t help the giggle that escapes him at this, and he drops a hand to squeeze one of Phil’s socked feet. “You’ll get over it,”’ he teases before releasing Phil’s foot in favor of eating his pizza. 

Phil makes a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and whine, and Dan rolls his eyes as he reaches for the tv remote. He goes through the motions of setting up Netflix while he sips some of his wine, nearly spitting it out when he notices one of the films on the home screen. “Are you-“ Phil begins, sitting up and looking at him with concern. His gaze flickers to the tv then, and he seems to understand Dan’s slight panic. “Oh.” 

There’s a movie that Ben had done a year ago, some cheesy romantic comedy that had flopped. For some reason it appeared to be making a comeback, and Dan wanted no part of it. Before he can voice this, though, Phil is already speaking up beside him. 

“Have you seen the new Sandra Bullock movie?” He asks, nudging Dan’s thigh with his toe. Mutely, Dan shakes his head. “Let’s watch that, then, I’ve heard it’s really good.” 

Dan nods at this before handing the remote over so Phil could search for the film he was talking about. Dan couldn’t remember what it was called, honestly, but he welcomed the idea of a distraction from seeing Ben’s face again. He still wasn’t quite ready to watch something he was in, despite the fact that he felt that he was well and truly done with caring about the man. 

Phil moves his legs so that they’re propped onto the coffee table, still angled somewhat in Dan’s direction. “It’s supposed to be scary, so I hope you don’t frighten easily,” he grins over at Dan, waggling his eyebrows as if he’s actually hoping the exact opposite. 

Dan huffs out a laugh, rolling his eyes. “I’ve done a horror film before, Phil. Not much that scares me about a little cgi now,” he assures him. Phil shrugs as if he’s not convinced, but then they’re starting the movie and settling into a comfortable silence. 

About twenty minutes into Bird Box, Dan finishes his food and places his plate back on the coffee table to accompany Phil’s. When he glances over at the other man, he catches an inquisitive look as Phil raises his arm to the back of the sofa, a clear invitation. Dan doesn’t speak, but he wordlessly slides over to tuck himself into Phil’s side. He’s still got a grip on his wineglass, but Phil gently pulls it out of his grasp when he’s wrapped an arm around him. “Done with this?” He asks softly. 

Dan nods. “Mhm. For now.” 

Phil smiles and sits forward to place the glass on the table. He doesn’t move his arm from around Dan, and they settle back into each other easily. Dan’s eyes are trained on the screen, but he can almost feel the way Phil is looking at him. He manages to ignore it for a while, until he feels a hand come up to card through his curls. 

“Stop looking at me,” he mumbles, tilting his head to speak into Phil’s chest. 

In his proximity, Dan can feel as Phil’s chest shakes with quiet laughter. “Why? You’re pretty, and I want to look.” 

Dan can feel his face flushing with heat, and he knows Phil can probably tell just how embarrassed he is. “Phil,” he whines. “You can’t just say things like that.” 

He feels rather than sees the way Phil shrugs. “And why not?” 

Sitting up with a short, embarrassed huff, Dan tries to settle him with a disapproving frown. “Well, because- I don’t… We’re not, like, dating or something,” he supplies. It’s not really an explanation, and apparently Phil knows it too. 

Arching an eyebrow, Phil’s lips quirk up into a small smile. “Okay. Would you like to go on a date sometime soon?” 

His question is nonchalant, and the casualness of it throws Dan off. “Would I- what?” 

Phil rolls his eyes and shifts so that he’s looking at Dan more closely. “Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?”   
Dan chews on his bottom lip. He hadn’t actually mentioned their lack of official commitment to prompt Phil into asking him on a date, so now that he has, Dan’s a little more than lost. “Like, out in public?” He inquires. 

Phil has a complicated expression on his face then. “Do you…” he trails off then, looking away and focusing on the bookcase beside Dan’s tv instead. “Would you not want that? Like, with me?” He asks softly, almost as if he’s afraid of the answer. 

Then it’s Dan’s turn to be confused. “Of course I would.” His response is immediate, but it still seems to spark some sort of surprise, and relief, in Phil’s expression. “I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to deal with that. It can get, ah… complicated, sometimes.” 

Tilting his head, Phil asks, “Yeah? How so?” 

Dan sighs, leaning his head back against something soft. It takes him a moment to remember that Phil’s arm is still resting behind his head, but when he does he smiles and tilts his head to press his cheek to Phil’s bicep. “I sometimes have people follow me. And there’s always someone around taking pictures without my permission, or sometimes I run into fans that ask for pictures.” He shrugs, as if that’s the only explanation he has. 

Truly, what really surprised him about the idea that Phil would even want that is the fact that Ben never did. He shunned any sort of public appearances with Dan, always so afraid that someone would try to find proof that they were together. Shockingly, proof of that sort was rare, since the only times they were seen out together was at the very beginning of their friendship, before they started sleeping together, and then after that only when they had to be seen together for PR purposes. Needless to say, after spending so much time living that kind of life, Dan adjusted to the idea that maybe that’s just the way relationships were, something to be hidden from everyone else.

Phil seems to consider Dan’s words, and then shrugs. “I think I can handle some pictures every now and then.” He smiles then, raising a hand to tug gently on one of Dan’s curls. “I reckon being known as your boyfriend might not be the worst thing in the world.” 

Dan’s breath catches, and a flare of unwanted panic flares up in his chest. He hates himself for it, but he knows his anxiety won’t rest until he clarifies it. “You’re not just doing this because I’m an actor, right? Like me being “famous” or whatever isn’t- that’s not why you like me, right?” 

There’s a look of mortification on Phil’s face. “Jesus, Dan. No. I told you, I don’t care about that. I think it’s cool and I’ve seen one of your movies and you’re a great actor, but…” he trails off, shaking his head slowly as he stares at Dan. A determined sort of look comes into his eyes, and he brings the arm behind Dan up to wrap a hand around the back of Dan’s neck. Before Dan can process this, Phil pulls him in, pressing their lips together sweetly. 

Dan all but melts into the kiss, dropping his hands to rest on Phil’s chest and gripping his shirt in his fists. He kisses back with enthusiasm, opening his mouth when Phil’s tongue presses against the seal of his lips. But apparently it isn’t going quite the way he thought it was, because after a quick lick inside his mouth, Phil is pulling away. 

A dazed sort of look swims in the blue of Phil’s eyes, along with the speckles of green and gold, and he shakes his head slowly as he looks at Dan. “You’re so much more than your career, you know? If I’d have met you and you were a stripper, I’d still have liked you. Or a lawyer, or clerk, or literally a hobo. I like you because you’re sweet, and you’re kind, and you have nerdy Undertale mugs, and you make these gorgeous noises in bed.” He grins as he says the last part, and Dan can’t help but snicker around the tightness in his throat. 

“Yeah?” he asks softly, glancing down at where his hands are still resting on Phil’s shirt. 

Phil doesn’t grant him this, and instead tucks a finger under his chin to bring their gazes back together. “Yeah, Dan,” he murmurs before pressing their lips together once more. When he pulls away, he tugs Dan in to lean against his chest. 

They’re silent for a few moments, the only sound in the room being the noise coming from the long-forgotten movie playing in the corner. “I’m a handful,” Dan warns. 

Phil shrugs underneath him. “I’ve got two hands,” he says gently. 

Dan tilts his head back at this, looking up to meet Phil’s gaze. “When can we go on our date?” He asks, failing to hide the excitement in his voice. 

Laughter bubbles out of Phil then, and a happy look fills his eyes. “I work tomorrow and two days after that, but I’m free Thursday and Friday.” 

Giving himself a mental reminder to come back to the job thing, Dan latches onto the topic at hand. “Can we do it on Thursday? So, you can spend the night?” He cringes at himself as soon as the words are out, well aware of how clingy he already sounded. 

Luckily, Phil doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. “Sure. Where would you like to go for our date?” 

The word “date” sounds so lovely coming from Phil’s mouth, and Dan can’t help but let his mind wander to different scenarios, and how badly he wants them all. Picnics, dinner dates, cinema nights, the whole thing. He reminds himself that this is one date, though, and he needs to pace himself. 

“Do you want to go watch a film? Or is that too cliché?” Dan asks nervously. 

Phil laughs, petting Dan’s hair as he seems to consider it. “We could do that, if you wanted. Dinner and a movie.”

Dan shrugs. Sadly, this was all a little bit new to him, so he wasn’t entirely sure what the options even were. “Okay.” He chews his lip for a moment before speaking again. “So, Thursday?” He knows he sounds clingy, but he can’t help it. He hadn’t had an actual date to look forward to in so long, and he felt like this could really be good for him. 

“Mhm. We can look at the showtimes and things later to pick something out if you want,” Phil says.

“M’kay,” Dan murmurs, his hand absently dragging up and down Phil’s stomach. When his pinky catches the bottom of Phil’s shirt, he decides to be a little cheeky and slowly slips his hand underneath the fabric. “Hey, Phil?” He whispers. 

“Hm?” Phil inquires, his breathing sounding a little labored. Dan wondered, and hoped, that it was because of him. 

“Is there a rule about sleeping together if you haven’t had your first date yet?” Dan asks, slowly dragging his hand up Phil’s chest, his thumb gently grazing over a nipple. 

Phil lets out a breath, and Dan knows he’s getting riled up from the way he shifts, tugging at his jeans with the hand not around Dan. “I don’t suppose so,” he laughs quietly. 

Dan smirks at this, before tilting his head back and dragging his lips across Phil’s jaw. “Perfect.” 

Without missing a beat, Dan removes his hand and shifts to straddle Phil’s lap so that he’s looking down at him. “Hi,” he giggles, remembering the first time they were in this position. 

Phil smiles up at him with the very same eyes as the last time, but with a certain familiarity there that hadn’t been there before. “Hi, love,” Phil says gently. 

Dan can’t help but flush at the pet name. He leans down and connects their lips, allowing his hands to roam as his mouth works against Phil’s. Pulling away long enough to speak, he whispers, “Say it again.” 

There’s a giggle against his lips, but once Phil has pulled away from their kiss, he complies. “Hi, love.” 

A full shiver tremors through Dan’s body, and when his eyes flit down to meet Phil’s, there’s a fresh layer of lust there. Trying not to allow Phil’s obvious excitement to bother him too much, Dan smiles and leans down to kiss at Phil’s collarbones. “I love it when you call me sweet names,” he murmurs against pale skin before diving in to suck a small patch into his mouth. 

Phil lets out a sigh, or a groan, Dan’s not sure. “I’ve noticed. Dan, fuck,” Phil hisses when Dan nips over the skin, but when Dan shifts he can tell that Phil’s having a good reaction to his ministrations. 

“Use your words,” Dan grins, enjoying being the one in control for once. He wasn’t used to that with Ben, so this was doing wonders for his confidence. 

“Want you,” Phil mumbles. 

Dan smirks. “That so? Well, here I am. Want me to bend over for you right here, or do you think we can make it to the bedroom?” Dan nips again in the same area on the other side of Phil’s collarbones, creating a mirror image of the first bite. “Tell me how you want me. Do you want to take me from behind? I can do that for you. It’d be so easy.” 

Phil tosses his head back and his fingers come up to grip at Dan’s hips, an almost pained look of pleasure on his face. “Want you to fuck me.” 

His words cause Dan to pause almost completely. “You- what?” 

The man beneath him seems to have no problem asking twice. “I want you inside me. Please, Dan. Please. Need it.” 

Dan’s head swims with lust, the words sparking something inside him that he’d never felt with Ben. He’d always bottomed, and aside from a couple one night stands back in uni, he’d never really been the top in his sexual escapades. “Okay, babe, fuck. Okay,” Dan says breathlessly. He brings his lips back to Phil’s, swiping his tongue along his bottom lip. “Bedroom,” he groans.

Phil nods eagerly before gently holding Dan’s hips, helping him climb off his lap. Dan tugs on Phil’s hand impatiently, dragging him with him off down the hall and into his bedroom. Arousal is coursing through his veins, and he almost feels drunk with the magnitude of it. 

As soon as they’ve stumbled into his room, he whirls around to face Phil, dragging him closer and pressing their lips together again. Phil clutches at the bottom of Dan’s shirt, slowly dragging it up as he backs Dan up, leading him to the bed. “Off,” he mumbles against Dan’s lips as he tugs the shirt. 

Raising his arms up, Dan can’t help but giggle at Phil’s enthusiasm as he finally gets the fabric out of the way, immediately reaching for his own and pulling it off as well. He throws it blindly, and Dan doesn’t bother following its path either, already beginning to be dragged back into Phil’s blue eyes and his warm lips. When the back of Dan’s knees press against the edge of the bed, he pulls away from Phil, swapping places with him and gently pushing against his chest to prompt him to sit on the edge of the bed. 

Phil looks up at him with wide, lust-blown eyes, and Dan swears under his breath. “You look so good, Phil. Fuck.” 

A smirk makes its way onto Phil’s pink lips, and his hands slowly come up to trace along the band of Dan’s pants. “Bet I’ll look even better on your cock,” he breathes, surging forward and pressing a kiss to Dan’s chest before grazing the area with his teeth. 

“Jesus Christ,” Dan mumbles, tossing his head back. His pants were uncomfortably tight with his swelling arousal, and he knew that sooner or later they’d need to come off. At the moment, he quite preferred sooner. 

Phil teases at the elastic band, barely dipping the tip of his finger under as he runs his hands over Dan’s hips. “Can I tell you something?” Phil whispers against Dan’s chest, his eyes flickering up to gaze at Dan. The image is all wrong, with Phil’s pretty lips and innocent blue eyes gazing up at Dan as his hands tease his sensitive skin, but it’s wrong in all the right ways. 

“Yes,” Dan breathes. “Always. Tell me whatever you want.” 

A smile ghosts Phil’s lips as he brushes them against a sensitive nipple. “Every time I’ve gotten off since the last time we did this,” he begins, his voice silky and low. Dan’s drowning in the sweet tones and the light kisses, but he’s trying his hardest to pay attention to the words. “I’ve thought about you.” 

With his mind clouded the way it is, it does take Dan a moment to process this, but the second he does, he whines. “Fuck, Phil, that’s so- do you- how do you do it? When you’re alone?” 

Phil licks over Dan’s nipple before moving and repeating the motion on the other. “Depends,” he says casually, sitting back and dipping an index finger into Dan’s pants on either side. “Sometimes I like to edge myself, or I’ll have a wank in the shower.” He shrugs, a smirk that’s dripping with implication on his lips. He leans forward and tugs Dan down, dragging his lips up and down Dan’s jaw before teasing around his lips. “Lately I’ve fancied coming on a vibrator, whispering your name the whole time.”

Dan is positive that the wind’s been knocked out of him then, and he all but shoves Phil onto the mattress. “Pants off. Now.” 

There’s mirth in Phil’s eyes as he tucks his hands under his head. He seems thrilled with Dan’s reaction, but apparently, he’s fine with teasing some more, as if Dan could possibly handle it. “Now? Like, right this moment?” 

Groaning, Dan reaches down and begins undoing Phil’s jeans himself. “Like, yesterday, preferably.” 

Phil giggles, but raises his hips to allow Dan to pull the jeans down his legs, along with his pants. Dan licks his lips when Phil’s cock springs free, and Phil whines. “Don’t just sit and stare at me.” 

Dan shakes his head. “Fuck off, I’ll do what I want.” 

And he does. After tossing Phil’s stupid clothes elsewhere, he shuffles down the bed and nestles himself between Phil’s legs, taking his left hand to stand his cock up. Meeting Phil’s gaze, Dan presses a soft kiss to the head, smirking when Phil groans and throws his arms over his eyes. He mumbles something unintelligible, and Dan pulls away from where he’d taken to dragging his lips along the underside of Phil’s length to ask him to repeat himself. 

“I said you’re sin. Like. Those fucking chocolate eyes looking up at me while you fucking- ugh. Pure sin.” His voice has lowered a pitch, and something about it does something funny to Dan’s stomach. 

“I think that’s a compliment, so thank you.” 

Phil raises his head and rolls his eyes at Dan, opening his mouth to speak. “Oh, sh- Fuck!”

Dan hums innocently, his lips wrapped around the head of Phil’s cock as he suckles gently. “Hm?” He tries. Phil doesn’t respond with actual words, so Dan only shifts and presses Phil’s hips down before sinking down a little on his length. He already knew how big he was, considering their last escapade, but it was a different sensation to have the weight of him resting on Dan’s tongue, tasting the bitter saltiness of Phil when he swallows him down. 

He swirls his tongue, the motion causing Phil to buck his hips up hard. “Shit- sorry!” Phil gasps, his eyes flying open and his hand coming to gently card through Dan’s curls. “I didn’t-“

Pulling away just enough to speak, Dan mumbles, “’S okay, you can fuck my mouth.” 

Phil has a look of surprise on his face, but as soon as Dan’s sunk back down, he releases his tight grip on Phil’s hips a bit, encouraging him to move freely. It doesn’t take much before Phil takes it, bucking up gently into the tight heat of Dan’s mouth. “Fuck, Dan. I’m- ah…” His babbles fill the room, and Dan’s chest swells with pride at the fact that he’s the one garnering these beautiful noises from the beautiful man underneath him. “Ah, Dan,” Phil sounds a little different now, and his hand comes up to tug at Dan’s hair gently. 

Confused, and a little concerned that he might have hurt him somehow, Dan pulls away with an audible ‘pop’ echoing around the room. “Are you okay?” Dan immediately asks, rubbing Phil’s thighs as his eyebrows knit in worry. 

Phil chuckles at this, his hand slipping down to caress Dan’s cheek gently. Dan shamelessly leans into the touch. “Yes, silly, of course I’m okay. I’m just, uh…” He trails off, his cheeks tinting a beautiful shade of pink.

“Are you close already?” Dan asks smugly, trying to hide his smirk. 

Pouting, Phil adverts his gaze. “I haven’t been with anyone in a while!” He protests. Then, as an afterthought almost, “I mean, except for you, obviously.” 

Something about this makes Dan’s heart beat just a little faster. “You haven’t… Since we were together?” 

A smile tugs at Phil’s lips, and he shakes his head. “No. And before that, it was… God, it must have been like four or five months or something.” 

Selfishly, the news pleases Dan. He tries not to show this, though, and instead makes a noncommittal noise in his throat. “Hm. I guess I don’t have a lot to compare to, then, huh?” He grins. 

Phil rolls his eyes. “Just my toys, honestly.” 

As soon as he says that, Dan’s mind trails off to imagining what Phil would look like pleasuring himself, riding a dildo and whimpering quietly, his throbbing cock bobbing between his legs… Dan has to physically shake himself to bring his focus back to the present. Phil gives him a strange look, but Dan only grins sheepishly. “That was an image and a half, Phil.”

Then it’s Phil’s turn to be embarrassed, the blush returning to his cheeks. He shifts so that his foot is dragging up Dan’s thigh, prodding against his skin incessantly. “Dan,” he whines. 

Dan laughs and can’t help but crawl up Phil’s body to press a kiss to his lips. “You’re cute when you’re flustered,” he informs the man beneath him, fondness seeping into his voice. 

Phil smiles up at him, his eyes shining happily. “Your mum,” he responds simply. 

Groaning, Dan drops his head and begins mouthing at Phil’s collarbones. “I don’t want to talk about either of our mums while we’re fucking.” 

He feels, rather than sees, Phil shrug beneath him. “Then you better get onto the fucking part, lad, or I might start telling you what I plan to get my mum for Christmas.” 

Dan pulls away and crinkles his nose. “I’d love to hear all about your mum later, but please don’t discuss her while I’ve got my dick in you.” 

Phil’s face flushes with color, and he rolls his head back to stare up at the ceiling. Wiggling his hips as if to emphasis his current state, he hums, “I’ll have something else to focus on when you hurry up and get started.” 

“Fine, fine. Pushy, aren’t you?” Dan rolls his eyes but crawls over Phil to fish inside his bedside table, looking for a bottle of lube and a condom. As soon as he’s retrieved them, he rolls over on the bed, tugging his pants off finally. 

“Do you want to stretch me?” Phil asks, holding a hand out for the bottle of lube but a questioning look in his eyes.

Dan considers it, but then images of Phil doing unspeakable things to himself while Dan watches flash before his eyes, and he hands the lube over with a smile. “Wanna watch,” he says, smirking when Phil glances away with an embarrassed look. 

Phil shuffles so that he’s on his knees, popping the cap off the bottle and pumping a generous amount out into his hand. He tosses the lube back over to Dan, smirking at him when he reaches behind himself. Dan licks his lips, shifting to sit with his legs folded, tearing into the condom packet as he watches Phil. His lips drop into a little ‘o’ and he shifts his hips down. Dan’s breath catches as he watches Phil slowly pumping a finger in and out, gradually stretching himself open. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he moans, slipping the condom on himself and pumping a few times. 

“Yeah?” Phil breathes, his eyes barely opening to send Dan an awkward wink. Dan giggles slightly at the lack of coordination, but then Phil’s letting out a whine that goes straight to his cock, and suddenly he isn’t laughing anymore. 

“Jesus,” Dan mumbles. He forces himself to quit moving his hand over himself, because he knows he doesn’t have the self-control needed to keep himself from unloading too quick, not while he’s watching Phil do this. 

It doesn’t take long until Phil is pulling his hand away, his thighs visibly shaking. “I’m ready.” 

Dan nods, but then hesitates. “How do you…” He gestures vaguely at the space between them, and Phil arches an eyebrow. 

“I want to ride you,” he says simply, shifting over to the side of the bed and patting the space he’d left for Dan to occupy. 

Nodding mutely, Dan moves to lay down, a sudden flurry of nerves beginning to overcome him. “I…” he starts, trying to stall. He wanted to do this, of course he did, but something about the idea of not being good enough for Phil was holding him back. He wanted to be good for him, and he feared he didn’t have enough experience in this area. 

Phil seems to catch onto his uneasiness fairly easily. “What’s the matter, love?” He asks softly, stroking Dan’s cheek gently. 

Dan shakes his head, pressing his cheek into Phil’s palm with the movement. “Nothing, really, I just…” He shrugs vaguely, but Phil only tilts his head. 

“I can’t read minds, Dan. If you want something, you have to tell me.” He isn’t cross, but his voice is stern enough that it makes Dan drop his gaze. 

“I might not be very good… I mean, like at this. I haven’t- it’s been a while since I’ve done this, like a couple years, and I-“ he rambles, only stopping when he feels the soft pad of Phil’s thumb grazing over his lips. 

“Hey,” Phil calls gently, dragging the tips of his fingers across Dan’s cheek. “Look at me, babe.” 

Dan, somewhat reluctantly, raises his gaze to meet Phil’s. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. Phil shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. He leans in and presses his lips to Dan’s for a brief second before pulling away and pressing a kiss to each of his cheeks, his chin, and then his nose. It’s when he starts kissing over his eyes that Dan starts giggling. “What are you doing?” He asks through the soft laughter. 

“I’m kissing away your nerves,” Phil explains, as if it’s obvious. 

“Oh, are you?” Dan responds, somewhat sarcastically. 

“Mhm.” Phil barely stops his ministrations, kissing across Dan’s forehead and down across his temples. 

“Phil,” Dan breathes through a laugh, the softness of his kisses becoming enough to slightly overwhelm him with emotion. 

“Shh, I’m busy,” Phil mumbles against his skin. 

Dan huffs out a sigh but closes his eyes and allows the feeling of Phil’s lips to lull him into a sense of comfort. Eventually, though, Phil shifts and moves to straddle Dan’s thigh, causing Dan’s eyes to fly open. “Are we-“ 

“Mm, we’ll see,” Phil responds, seemingly already anticipating Dan’s question. “Want you to calm down first. We can wait until you’re comfortable doing anything else.” 

Something about his words, his willingness to wait for Dan and comfort him through his mini breakdown, causes a hot wetness to begin welling behind his eyes. He squeezes them closed, begging his body to not start crying now. He couldn’t have a repeat of what happened last time, and this was looking far too promising to have to stop so he can have another meltdown. Instead, he forces himself to start breathing deeply, calming his body down and trying to rid himself of the anxiety he feels. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around Phil’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. 

Phil’s lips pause at where they were working just below Dan’s ear, and he pulls away enough to make eye contact with Dan. There’s a soft look in his eyes. “We have all the time in the world, Dan. I’m not about to rush you to do anything you’re not comfortable with yet.” 

Dan nods mutely, bringing a hand up to run through Phil’s hair, tugging gently on the black locks. 

Phil returns to his kisses, slowly laying Dan down without ever removing his lips from Dan’s skin. The minute his head hits the pillow, Dan allows his eyes to slip closed, and sighs deeply as Phil makes his way across his shoulders, before coming back down and across his collarbones. 

Eventually, Phil sits up, running his hands up and down Dan’s stomach. “Are you still in the mood? We don’t have to if you don’t want,” he says sweetly. 

And maybe Dan hasn’t known Phil very long, but he can tell that if he were to say no right now, Phil wouldn’t push. He’d get their clothes, and they’d get dressed, and probably return to the lounge to watch something together. It’d be just as nice, cuddling and sneaking sweet kisses with Phil under the fuzzy blanket on his sofa, but Dan didn’t want that. He wanted this, he wanted to feel close to Phil, and right now he knew that he was being given the option, he just had to take it. 

He takes a deep breath before nodding, running his hands up and down Phil’s thighs. “I still want to.” 

Phil offers him a small, uncertain smile. “Are you sure?” 

Dan rolls his eyes, but nods. “Yes, Phil. I’m over my breakdown, and I’m well ready to fuck you now, if you don’t mind.” 

A giggle falls from Phil’s lips, and he grins down at Dan, bringing a hand up to brush Dan’s curls back. “I don’t mind in the slightest, but you really need to work on your convincing dirty talk, mate.” 

With a sigh, Dan leans up and connects their lips, nipping gently at Phil’s. Phil hums into his mouth, and Dan forces down his smirk as he slowly pulls Phil down to lay on top of him, his hands running over Phil’s back and down to his ass. He continues working his mouth against Phil’s as he drags the tip of his finger over Phil’s entrance, smiling when Phil’s breath hitches. 

Gently, he eases his finger inside, testing to see that Phil is stretched well enough. Although Phil was arguably a bit bigger than him, he wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt him. He starts pumping his finger in and out, and Phil actually has to pull away and let out a deep breath against Dan’s chin. 

“Fuck,” he breathes lowly, his eyes closed as he begins working his hips back against Dan’s hand. “More,” he begs. 

Dan smiles and complies, easing another finger alongside the first as his other hand fumbles around for the lube. He pulls his hand away long enough to add a bit more of the cherry-scented liquid to his fingers before bringing it back down and going in with three fingers. “That good?” He breathes in Phil’s ear. 

“Mhm,” he whimpers. “Your fingers are so long,” he gushes, pushing back against Dan’s hand in little circles, probably searching for contact in a certain area. Dan aids him in his search, curling his fingers as he searches for the little bundle of nerves that is sure to have Phil trembling. “Fuck!” He yelps. Dan grins. “There, there, oh god. You’re-“ he cuts himself off with a moan before finishing. “You’re good with your fingers.”

Dan can’t help but laugh at that. “Thanks. I play piano.” 

Phil groans at this, tilting his head to press his lips blindly to Dan’s skin. “That’s so hot. Wanna hear you play sometime.” 

“Sure, babe,” Dan promises off-handedly. After pumping his hand a few more times, he slowly retracts his fingers, causing Phil to let out a whine. “Don’t be fussy,” Dan chastises. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes, just-“ Phil sits up then, reaching down between them to give Dan’s hardness a few strokes. Dan starts to tell him to grab the lube, but before he can, Phil’s holding a hand up to his mouth. “Lick,” he commands, his gaze dark. 

Dan doesn’t give it a second thought, licking a stripe up the palm of Phil’s hand while maintaining eye contact with him. After a few licks, Phil lowers his hand back down, pumping Dan a few times before he’s seemingly satisfied. He glances up at Dan as he situates himself above Dan’s cock, their gazes locked when he sinks down. 

“Fuck,” Dan gasps out, his hands fumbling to find something to grip. They settle on Phil’s thighs, squeezing slightly harder than is probably comfortable as he tries to force himself to stay still until Phil’s had time to adjust. “You feel so good,” he gushes. 

Phil lets out a breathy laugh, his thighs trembling from the effort of staying so still as he tries to give himself time to adjust. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he replies. 

Dan snorts. “Thanks, mate, that does wonders for my self-esteem.” 

Blue eyes flicker open to meet his gaze, a slow smile stretching across his gorgeous lips. “You’re the best cock I’ve ever sat on, Dan Howell.” His voice drips with sincerity and fondness, but Dan refuses to show how the words affect him. 

“Piss off,” Dan mumbles, tracing small circles onto Phil’s thighs as he slowly begins to move his hips. 

Phil doesn’t respond verbally, instead slowly rising up off Dan’s cock before dropping back down. “Oh,” he gasps, repeating the motion. 

Dan’s breath is caught in his throat, and his head is thrown back in pure ecstasy. “Fuck, you’re so good.” 

“Mhm,” Phil mumbles, sounding distracted as he slowly begins bouncing. Dan tries to force his eyes open to watch him, but every movement just as him tossing his head back, noises and incoherent sentences falling from his lips. “You’re so- Fuck, Dan, you feel so warm and good.” 

Some sort of agreement comes from Dan’s mouth, but he honestly doesn’t have a clue what he’s saying, he’s so overcome with the sensation of the tight heat encompassing him. Knowing that Phil’s adjusted, he begins raising his hips to meet Phil’s, the sound of their skin echoing around the room. He barely hears it though, when Phil starts babbling. 

“So good, god. Gonna- Fuck, Dan, I’ve thought about it so much lately… Not gonna last long,” Phil’s muttering under his breath. 

Dan lifts his head enough to find Phil with one hand resting on his own thigh for support, the other wrapped loosely around his length, not pumping exactly, just there, creating friction. Brushing his hand against Phil’s, Dan takes his length into his own hand, pumping along in time with his thrusts. “Good?” He breathes out. 

“Mhm, so good,” Phil responds, tossing his head back as he begins to fall out of his rhythm. “Dan,” he says suddenly. “Dan, can’t- gonna-“

“Go ahead,” Dan says, shifting so that his feet are pressed against the mattress and his hand not wrapped around Phil is wrapped around his hip. The position allows him to move his hips faster, meeting Phil’s even rougher and deeper, bringing both of them closer to the edge. “Go on, Phil,” he encourages. 

With a choked noise, Phil stills, a shudder moving through him as he spills across Dan’s hand, mumbles of “thank you,” “fuck,” and best of all, “Dan.” The mumbles and noises falling from Phil’s lips is enough to send Dan over the edge, and his orgasm follows quickly, a whine tearing its way from his throat. 

Likely exhausted, as he’d done the majority of the work, Phil collapses on, top of Dan’s chest, right into his own mess. It doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest, though, so Dan’s willing to let it go for a moment, until they’d both come down from their highs enough to get cleaned up. 

The room is silent aside from their heavy breaths, until Dan hears a soft sound coming from Phil. “Hm?” He questions, his mind not quite catching up with what Phil is saying. 

“I said, I wanna stay here tonight.” There’s a pause, while Dan tries to wrap his mind around that, and Phil feels the silence with a worried murmur. “I mean, if you want. I know I sort of implied it earlier and you seemed okay, but I just want to clarify. I want to sleep here. With you. In your bed.” He sounds uncertain, as if Dan’s about to kick him out. The very idea of that happening makes Dan chuckle. 

“Of course you can sleep here,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to Phil’s hair. “We’ve gotta get cleaned up first, of course, but yeah, you can spend the night.” 

Phil tilts his head back and presses his lips to Dan’s. Dan hums, his eyes slipping closed as he kisses back languidly. “Okay. Thank you,” Phil replies when he pulls away, smiling as he lays his head back down on Dan’s chest. 

Dan laughs, running a hand through Phil’s hair. They lay in silence for a few moments, but when Dan feels Phil’s chest moving slower with his breath, he clears his throat and gently tugs at Phil’s hair. “Babe, you can’t go to sleep yet,” he says, trying to hide his laughter. 

“Hm?” Phil inquires sleepily, moving his head. “Why not?” 

Giggling, Dan shimmies underneath him, trying to prompt him to get up. “Because you’re lying in a puddle of our bodily fluids. I, for one, will not be sleeping this way.”

“Mm, you will be if I decide not to move.” There’s a smile in his voice, Dan can tell. 

Dan lets out a snort. “Mate, I’ll shove you off this bed. Don’t even try me.” 

Phil giggles at this, and finally, he sits up. “Whatever. Can we shower together?” He asks, his eyes hopeful. 

“I’m too lazy to shower,” Dan whines. 

Rolling his eyes, Phil climbs off the bed, reaching for Dan’s hands and tugging him up as well. “You’re the one bitching about being gross and needing to wash up,” he reminds him. 

“Yeah, well… Your mum,” Dan retorts cleverly. 

Phil settles him with an unimpressed look, but Dan can tell he’s holding back a laugh. “So, we can talk about our mums now?” He asks sarcastically. 

Dan shrugs as he grabs two towels before leading the way into his en-suite bathroom. “Maybe wait until after we’ve showered, and then I’d like to hear all about the person who raised such a weirdo.”

Following him into the bathroom, Phil huffs indignantly. “I am not weird! I’m just… Different,” he supplies lamely. 

Dan can’t help but smile at him, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. “Sure, dear.” 

Phil grins at this, tugging Dan closer to kiss him again. “I like pet names too, you know.” 

“Oh, is that so?” Dan teases, brushing his lips against Phil’s before pulling away to go start the tap. 

“Mhm.” Phil stands close behind him as Dan tests the water, and as soon as he’s decided it’s warm enough, he gestures for Phil to go ahead and get in first. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dan promises as he steps into the shower and pulls the glass door shut behind him, ducking his head under the water. “Wash my hair?” He requests softly. 

“Sure,” Phil replies, pressing a kiss to Dan’s shoulder before reaching for the shampoo. “Nice, strawberries,” he says, his voice only slightly teasing. 

Dan only hums, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as Phil’s fingers begin working the suds into his hair. 

Their joint shower is full of banter and way too much cheekiness, as well as plenty of bubbles and one minor emergency when Dan was certain he was going to die. Really, he’d only gotten a bit of soap in his eye, but he freaked out, prompting Phil to press kisses across his face, just like before, in an attempt to calm him down. When they’re out of the shower and lying together in bed, Dan asks about it. 

Phil, who’d settled himself in Dan’s side and tossed an arm over Dan’s stomach, smiles up at him. “I was a clumsy kid, and my mom kind of trained me into associating kisses with getting rid of my problems, I guess.” He flushes then, looking away as if he’s embarrassed by it. “It sounds kind of stupid, I guess, but it works.”

Dan shakes his head. “It’s not stupid. I think it’s sweet. It’s better than Ben’s solution,” Dan laughs without humor. 

Tilting his head back to meet Dan’s gaze, Phil settles him with a curious look. “What was his solution?” He inquires. 

Sighing, Dan sits up and turns his lamp on. “See that over there?” He asks, pointing to the space beside his door. Phil sits up a little and squints. 

“Is that a-“ he sounds surprised. 

Dan cuts him off with a nod, and a huff of bitter laughter. “It’s a hole. He wasn’t an architect, but he sure as hell enjoyed rearranging the infrastructure of my flat.” He rolls his eyes and lays down again. 

He moves his head to say something else, but before he can, Phil’s lips are meeting his, forceful but still soft. As soon as he pulls away, Dan looks at him in confusion. “What was that for?” He asks quietly. 

Phil shrugs nonchalantly but has a troubled look on his face. “You need all the kisses.” 

Dan can’t help the startled laugh that falls from his lips. “Oh, do I?” He teases gently, running a hand through Phil’s hair. 

Nodding seriously, Phil chews on his lip. “Yes, it’s been decided. You have to have all my kisses from now on. It’s just the way that things have to be, sorry.” 

The goofy smile on Dan’s face is hard to hide. “I like the sound of that, actually.” 

“Good,” Phil says smugly. 

They lay there quietly talking for a while, exchanging stories about their lives and their childhoods, and even playing a brief game of twenty questions that ends with Dan feeling embarrassed and Phil insisting that, “Dan, it’s fine if you’re a bit of a furry! I can get behind that… Or, I mean, underneath, if that’s how you prefer.” 

Eventually, though, their words become slower and quieter and less frequent. Dan can feel his eyes drooping with exhaustion, and he can tell from the way that Phil is struggling to stop yawning that he must be feeling the exhaustion settle into his limbs as well. “Time for sleep?” He inquires, brushing his lips against Phil’s hairline. 

“Mhm, I think so.” Phil shifts and presses his lips to Dan’s for what would probably be the last time tonight. “Night, love.” 

Dan smiles, his eyes slipping closed. Just like earlier, though, a panic starts to set in, and he tightens his grip around Phil. “You promise you’ll be here when I wake up?” He asks, his voice bordering on hurt. 

Phil’s quiet for a moment, and Dan starts to wonder if he’s already asleep, but then he feels a pinky wrap around his own. “I swear. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

“Okay. Night, Philly,” he murmurs, his voice already taken over by sleep. 

If Phil replies, Dan doesn’t hear it, instead being pulled into dreams that he hopes are good and include dorky men with black hair and blue eyes and an affinity for bad puns. 

~~~ 

“Dan,” a voice whispers, slowly dragging Dan away from a dream he was already starting to forget. “Come on, wake up. I’m hungry.” 

“Ngh,” Dan mumbles incoherently, shoving at the source of the voice. 

“Rude. You’re a grump in the mornings, huh?” The voice is entirely too cheerful for whatever time it is, but Dan is certain it’s God-Awful-O’Clock, and he’s not here for it. 

“Go ‘way,” Dan mutters into his pillow, curling himself up and trying to settle back into his dream. 

“But I’m hungry!” The voice, which Dan is now vaguely starting to recognize, complains. 

“Not my problem,” he shrugs carelessly. 

Phil huffs. “You’re a bad host. I hope you make a better boyfriend.” Despite his words, Dan feels a kiss pressed against his shoulder blade. 

“Mm, we’ll see,” he mumbles, trying to hide his smile. 

He feels the bed shift and hears the sound of feet pattering out of his room. He can already feel sleep trying to drag him back under, and he knows that he’ll succumb. He also knows that he’ll likely wake up in an empty bed. But this time, he won’t wake up alone, and maybe this will just be the start of a beautiful new morning routine. 

Of course, any of those beautiful images are erased about ten minutes later when Phil drops a pan in the kitchen, startling Dan out of his semi-state of sleep as swears and yelled apologies fill the flat. 

So, yeah, maybe the perfect morning routine needs some work first. But it’ll get there. Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!   
> come say hi @phantasticworks on tumblr!


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